Blood Memories [Last of Elves book 1] (NaNoWriMo 2014)

Thirty-Eight: Naameh

Naameh

It sickens me, what he told me. How they were hunted like animals. I know they lived in the Dark Forest, but from his words …

It was clear he had once feared that it wasn’t enough.

He gave me fear, like he’d promised. I’ve never seen that look in his eyes before. Hard and dark and driven by something more than need. Almost like a desperate hunger.

But he gave me something else. Something other than fear. The only problem is that I don’t quite know what that something was.

My feelings for him are jumbled, confused, tangled all up in a knot, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know what to say to him to try and explain myself, or to ask him if his are the same. Sometimes, I am not even sure if I want to know what his feelings are. After all, the girl is still here, and he still spends a lot of time with her.

I don’t know what his feelings are regarding her, either. I’m scared that he’s going to leave me – even after what he showed me. I thought I saw affection in his eyes, but I can’t be sure. I don’t truly know what that looks like. I don’t remember ever being shown it before, for I don’t remember my childhood, my family.

All I remember is the temple.

It’s all I’ve ever known, but now … Panthera is what I want now. Panthera is what I want to know. And if being with him means leaving the temple, than I will.

I want to stop the slaughter of his people. He is right. I know nothing about the town, or the land, that I live in. I’m spoiled, shown nothing but the minimum. I should know everything I need to know. The good and the bad about the town.

I know the captain means well when he says I must be protected, but what is the use of that if the land is dying? I need to get away from here, to find out how I can help the land, how I can save our race, and the last of the elves – if that is even possible. I know that Panthera is tired, tired of being hunted and on the run. Tired of never having a home, or a family. I want … I want to give him that. I want to give him the choice of having that. If he wants it, of course.

After all, I can’t tell him what to do. He never listens to me. And to be honest, most of the time I don’t blame him.

He infuriates me so much sometimes, but I can’t tell him off. After all, I see it in his eyes when I infuriate him. I guess it’s just the way we are. I like that he doesn’t treat me as I am used to. That he treats me like a person, not a woman of high title, status and wealth, as I am.

He treats me as he treats the captain. With contempt, scorn and dislike. But still something draws me to him, and I hope that he feels the same way.

I don’t want him to leave me.