Blood Memories [Last of Elves book 1] (NaNoWriMo 2014)

Forty-Two: Naameh

Naameh

I never realised how alive the town is after dark.

He took me wherever I wanted, letting me take in all the sights. Even though I knew that I would be boring him, I couldn’t stop. It’s so different to the daytime activities. It’s like the night is when it comes to life, where everyone enjoys themselves, and doesn’t have to worry about their work, or troubles. They can have some fun during the evening.

He showed me the sunset at the gates. I suppose he’d done it before, as the guards there only nodded to him, not stopping us from climbing the stairs. We stood at the top for a long time, the sun dipping below the horizon, turning the sky brilliant orange and red.

We didn’t speak. Somehow, we didn’t need to.

I wish I’d been able to experience it before.

It’s so strange not being recognised. I wish I could do it more often, but I know better than to expect that it will happen. There’s no reason for him to do it again – indeed, I never expected him to do it in the first place.

He bought me things, the silly little things that I found amusing. I don’t know why.

I don’t know what to do about the feelings I have for him. I still don’t even know if he returns them. If he does …

That will make it so much harder to do what the goddess demands of me, of him. Of us both.

I don’t want to do it.

It’s the first time I haven’t wanted to do what the goddess says I must. The first time I want everything to stay as it is, steady. I don’t want to lose him.

I’m scared because of that. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around him anymore. What I’m supposed to feel. What we did tonight was enjoyable, fun. We laughed together. I want to keep that, keep the feelings that he stirs inside me. A place that I never thought existed.

I want him to stay with me.

I know that it is not possible. But something in me is telling me to keep him, to fight to keep him with me. It scares me.

I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t think I can talk to him about it. I don’t think that he will understand, and I don’t want to hurt him, or make him angry.

Sometimes, I think that he only does it to satisfy himself. He brought the girl, Kuraĝon, here, after all. Surely he prefers her. I know she doesn’t like me. If she is involved with him, then I don’t blame her.

I don’t know what she is to him. What she means to him. I don’t know if I want to find out. She must be close to him, though. He wouldn’t have brought her here otherwise.

I’m scared to get close to him, because of her. I don’t want to be hurt, but I don’t want to lose him, either.