Blood Memories [Last of Elves book 1] (NaNoWriMo 2014)

Forty-Five: Naameh

Naameh

I still don't know what to think of him.

I am glad that he reassured me, that he seemed to know what I was feeling. I have nothing to fear from the girl, but I still don't know what to think of her, either.

And the goddess is still demanding the elf.

I don't know what to do. I am so torn. Torn between my instincts and my feelings, and my obedience to the goddess. I wish, just this once, that I could ignore her, claim something for myself.

I want him to stay.

I want him to stay as long as he can. And I want him so much that it hurts.

I think ... I think I love him. I don't know.

He still confuses me, still infuriates me, and I still don't know his feelings for me. But surely he wouldn't have done all he has done for me if he didn't feel something. Surely there is something in him that draws him to me.

There has to be. It can't just be me.

For now, the girl will be left alone. She is quiet, reserved - except for that time I walked in on their argument. It seems that I am not the only one Panthera irritates with his answers.

But still I distrust her, and I'm sure she distrusts me. She is thin and scared, too thin for her age, and she can barely be nineteen years old. She's much too young to be living on the streets as she was without someone. Maybe that's why Panthera brought her here. Because he felt sorry for her.

But if that's the case, then why not any of the other children I know are on the streets. I know most of them are with their parents, but there has to be others who are orphans. Why did none of them catch his interest?

It is at times like these, and times like where I am helping to distribute the food, that I know what the goddess wants is right. To obey her means that the land of Elseer will be saved, the lifeblood returning to them. My own powers returning to me. They have drained away with the health of the land, as I knew they would. I want them back, only because I will know then that the land is healthy once more.

But to obey her means losing Panthera, and I don't think I can bear to do that. I know so little of him - indeed it was only today that he at last showed me some of his sword skills. Although he defeated me, I have the feeling that it was mere child's play to him, that I wasn't a challenge. And it is true, the duel lasted only a few minutes. But I had no hope of defending myself against him, especially in the mood he was in. it was dangerous and dark, and I felt myself drawn to him. What will I do?

I don't want to lose him, yet losing him is the only way to keep the land alive.

I am torn.