Pictures of You

Chapter Nine

If I'm being honest, Mum had been acting strange for a few weeks. But like so many other parts of my life, I'd completely neglected her. But she was my mum. It wasn't good enough. So I told Alex I wouldn't be able to speak to him all night, turned my phone off and went downstairs armed with DVDs.

'I've got Meg Ryan or Whitney Houston,' I told her. She didn't question my intentions. Usually I did this when I was having a shit time and wanted to spend some time with her. It was kind of our thing.

'Got The Bodyguard?' she asked.

I spat out a laugh. 'Of course. What kind of gay would I be if I hadn't?'

She laughed. It was the first time I'd see her do that in a few days, so I was already winning.

Mum got like this every now and again. It usually wasn't because anything had happened; just that she was thinking about my dad and missing him. I knew how she felt. I felt the same sometimes for the same reason.

I opened the box and put it in the player, then went to the kitchen to make tea and fetch snacks before getting on the couch and pressing play. We both snuggled up under the same blanket as the movie started.

Half an hour in and I could tell Mum wasn't really watching it. She was facing the TV with her eyes on the screen, but she seemed to be looking right through it.

'This is my favourite part coming up,' I said.

'Mmmm,' she said.

'When Whitney grows big sharp teeth and bites Kevin Costner's head off.'

'Yeah.' She didn't even flinch, so I picked up the remote and stopped the film. It took her a couple of seconds to realise, then looked at me.

'I was watching that,' she said.

'What was happening when I stopped it?'

She thought about it, then realised she didn't know.

'What's wrong Mum?' I asked her.

She tried to shake herself out of it, knowing that I was on to her.

'What do you mean? I'm fine.'

Mum and I talked about everything. The fact that she was shutting me out made me think whatever was bothering her, was really bad. 'I can tell there is,' I said. 'I can tell by the way you won't look me in the eye that there's something you're not telling me.'

She considered what I'd just said, contemplating whether or not to tell me. 'You know how much I loved your father,' she said.

I nodded. 'Yeah, of course.'

'And when he died I really didn't think I'd ever get over it. I'm still not over it to be honest. I don't know if it's the sort of thing anyone ever gets over. You just have to learn to live with it as best you can.'

'That's only natural you should feel like that,' I said. 'He was your everything.' I still wasn't really sure where she was going with this.

'I think I need to move on with my life,' she said. 'It doesn't mean I'm forgetting about him. I'm just tired of feeling sad all the time.' She stopped and thought about it some more.

'I want you to be happy, Mum,' I said.

'I want that too.'

'So what is it you need to do to get there.'

'Well...the girls from work, they thought maybe it would be nice if I...met someone else. Not a replacement for your father, of course. I could never do that and I wouldn't try. But I'm tired of being lonely.'

'You've got me.'

'I know love, but you've got your own life.

I wanted to tell her to stop being silly, and that I'd always be there for her. But I knew what a bad job I'd been doing of things since 'meeting' Alex. I couldn't guarantee I'd be around all the time. Even if things didn't work out the way I hoped with him, I was bound to meet someone and maybe get married one day.

'I think it would be nice for you to have someone, 'I said. It made me feel sad, as I'd never even considered the thought of her being with anyone other than my dad.

'You really think so?' she asked. She looked like a huge weight had been lifted from her.

'Of course. And I'm sure you'll meet someone one day.'

She stopped looking me in the eye again. 'Well actually love, the thing is...'

'You've already net someone?'

'No,' she abruptly said. 'Not yet. But the girls...they set me up this profile. You know, on one of these online dating sites.'

I was more than aware of online dating. I didn't think now was the time to tell her about what was happening with me and Alex. 'Have you been talking to anyone?' I asked.

'Yes,' she said. 'I've exchanged messages with a couple of men, but there's one in particular who seems nice. His name is Andrew.'

'Are you going to meet up for a date?' I asked. It seemed weird having this conversation with my mum. She was clearly as uncomfortable with the conversation as I was, but we needed to have it.

'It's been mentioned, but nothing's been arranged as if yet.'

'Do you think you want to meet him?'

'I do. I'm really nervous about it. I've not been on a date with anyone since I met your dad. But I think it's a good thing. I need to get out of my comfort zone. My life's the same, day in, day out.'

'Then you should meet him,' I said.

'Really?'

It was like I was giving her the permission she needed from me.

'But in a public place,' I said, suddenly becoming the parent. 'And tell someone where you're meeting. There are all sorts of weirdos out there on the internet.'

As soon as I said it I knew I should maybe listen to my own advice. I had jumped in feet first, and fallen for someone I had never even met. I just hoped that Mum had more sense than I did when it came to these things.

Author's Note

Sorry this chapter has taken so long to get up. I hope you haven't list interest in the story. Please vote, or leave me a comment or two. I really appreciate them.