Pictures of You

Chapter Thirty-One

'Ash,' he said, 'sit down. We need to talk.'

I looked at him. I hadn't noticed him enter at first, so I almost jumped out of my skin with shock. I felt like I'd been caught snooping, but that was the last thing on my mind. I needed to know what was going on.

So I sat down. I listened as he explained who the person in the picture was. It wasn't me at all, but it looked so much like it was. I could see why he would have thought that when he first saw my profile. When he had done talking, he looked at me, waiting for a reaction from me.

I looked at him. I didn't know what to say. He was my friend and he was upset. Half of me wanted to wrap my arms around him and say that it was all okay; that I forgave him. But the other half if me was so angry at him. I wanted to scream and shout at the person who had led me on such a wild goose chase. I just never thought it would be my friend; one of the people who I thought had been supporting me through this. I'd been on such an emotional rollercoaster over the last week and he was the one to blame. He'd watched me as I tried to work through this difficult situation, all the time knowing my search would be in vain. He could have stopped it at any time. He could have told the truth and put me out of my misery. But instead he just sat and watched.

I felt like I'd lost Alex all over again; like he'd died. Even though he had already deleted the profile, I felt like he was still out there somewhere. And there was a man out there who had his face and his body. But he wasn't part of my life. If I'd seen him walking down the street, he wouldn't even recognise me.

'I...' I started to speak, but wasn't sure how I was going to finish my sentence. Words had left me. I'd never considered this to have been an option, so I had no idea how to deal with it.

'I...' I tried again, lookin6for the words.

'I'm so sorry Ash,' he said. 'I'm such an old fool. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me.'

'I... I've got to go.'

I stood up and walked out, without saying another word. All I knew was that I had to get out of there right away. I needed time to think about what had happened, and I couldn't start to come to terms with it whilst I was still in his space. He didn't speak again or try to stop me.

I walked out into the busy streets; tears falling from my eyes. How could I have been so stupid?

I wanted to scream, but did t want to make a scene. I wanted to shout at him and ask him how he could do that to me. It was a good job I left when I did, so I didn't say anything I'd regret later.

I wanted a drink, so stumbled into the first bar I saw. I ordered vodka, neat, but the barman wouldn't serve me without ID. So I left and tried a shop instead, which also wouldn't sell it to me. I could get served at Gladys's pub, but I didn't want to tell her what had happened. So I slumped myself down in an alleyway and cried, my head in my hands.

I wanted to speak to my mum, as I always did when I was upset. But she still didn't even know I was here. I thought about calling James, but I didn't want him to know how stupid I'd been. I had no one I could talk to. I was all alone in this big, strange city. I wanted to go home, but my train wasn't until the following day and I didn't have enough cash to change it.

I got a tube and walked along the Thames bank. I wanted to forget everything that had happened, even just for a moment. But it was all I could think about. It was a lesson I'd now learnt; don't be so trusting. I thought that was a good quality to have,but it had just got me played.

Be smarter Ash, I told myself. That would be my motto from now on.

The more I walked, the more clarity I got. I had no idea what I would do about Walter, but there was one thing I was forgetting in all this. Alex was a real person. I wasn't sure if that was even his name, but he did live within walking distance to where I was staying. I definitely felt an attraction to him. Maybe before giving up on the idea of him, I should message him to see what he was really like. Maybe despite everything that had happened, he could still be the one for me. He just didn't know it yet.