Pictures of You

Chapter Thirty-Five

That night I got ready and went out into London on my own. I didn’t even tell Gladys or Ben what my plans were. If I had, they’d have insisted they came along and that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to go on my own, to prove the independence I’d built during my time in London. I’d only been here a short time, but I felt as though I’d changed so much in that time.

Just a week ago I was relying on Ben to even get me around on the underground,  now here I was going it alone on a night out.

But I didn’t plan on spending it alone; that wouldn’t be much fun. I wanted to meet and talk to new people. I’d spent my whole life in my comfort zone, but tonight I was stepping well and truly out of it. I was excited, but nervous all at the same time. It was that adrenaline that was pushing me on and making me go.

I’d bought a tank top from one of the stalls in Camden earlier in the week, and now was the time the give its first airing. I paired it with my ripped blue jeans and a few bracelets, including the friendship band that Walter had given to me. I ran some wax through my hair, giving it a messy look.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was ready as I was ever going to be.

I got the tube over to Soho. I’d been told that it was the best place to go for gay bars and just looking at it, I could tell that was true. I wasn’t sure which was the best bar to go, so I went in the first place that had a rainbow flag outside.

I went to the bar and ordered a drink. I was expecting to be asked for ID. I could tell the guy behind the bar was thinking about it, but he wasn’t much older than me, so he took my money and handed over my drink. I turned around to look at the rest of the room. I was the only person in there on my own, so I sat at a stool at the far end of the bar and drank my drink alone. If I was going to have a good night and speak to new people, then I’d have to step things up a bit. I needed some confidence,  but I was sure I’d find that after a couple more drinks.

I finished the first one in record time. The same barman came over to me and asked if I wanted another. He gave the kind of smile, like maybe he was offering more than just bar service. He was cute actually. I hadn’t really noticed before as I was more focused on getting served and finding somewhere to sit. Now I could focus on him a little closer.

He had a similar shade of blonde hair to me, but his looked like he straightened it, and covered his left eye in along fringe. He was of slim build, with a v neck T-shirt that showed off the curve of his chest. When he smiled I could see he had perfectly straight, white teeth (but not the type that look so straight and white they could  only be veneers).

He brought me another drink and introduced himself as Jonathan.

‘Hey,’ I said, ‘I’m Ash.’

‘Hey Ash,’ he said. I could tell by the look he gave that he was interested in me. Any other time I’d have been interested in him. But that wasn’t what tonight was about. I didn’t come out to meet new people, just to stay with the first person I spoke to.

‘Are you on your own, or waiting for someone?’ he asked.

‘I’m on my own.’

‘Maybe I can get you your next drink?’

I smiled and thanked him, but told him I would probably move on to another bar after the one I had.

‘Where you planning on ending up tonight?’ he asked.

‘G.A.Y,’ I said.

‘I’ll be there after my shift,’ he said, ‘maybe see you there?’

‘Sure,’ said. I finished my drink, thanked him then got up and went to the next bar.

The next place was bigger and even busier. I waited a while to get served. Whilst I waited, a guy with messy dark hair and thick stubble started talking to me. He clearly spent a lot of time at the gym and wore a t-shirt tight enough to show it. He was there with three of his friends. They asked me if I wanted to grab a table with them. I said I did and I went and had a couple of drinks with them.

I told them I was meeting someone in another bar, so thanked them for their company and left to meet my imaginary friend.

I did a couple more bars, before going to G.A.Y bar to buy my tickets for the club. I didn’t hang around long, as I was too excited about going to the club. I wasn’t sure where it was, but I heard a group of guys talking outside who were going there. I asked them.if they minded me following them and they said that was fine. I chatted to them the whole way until we got there. They met some other people up front, soi got into the queue on my own.

After I had queued and been searched, I got in expecting it to be packed. It was still quite early, so got a couple more drinks whilst I waited for it to fill up.

When I looked at the dancefloor half an hour or so later, it was rammed full of hot guys. This was my cue. I finished my bottle and threw myself into the middle of it. They played the perfect mix of pop and dance tunes. I knew pretty much every one and danced like I’d never danced before. I noticed that a lot of the guys were now dancing with their shirts off, so I decided to do the same. I pulled it off over my head and tucked it into the waistband of my jeans.

I suddenly seemed to attract a whole lot more attention. Firstly from another shirtless guy, maybe I’m his thirties. He has a muscled frame with thick dark hair all over his chest, with matching stubble covering the bottom half of his face. He looked at me, then moved in closer. We started dancing so close until our bodies were pressed together. His entire body was hot and sweaty and felt amazing against mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist, so I put mine around his shoulders. We danced like that for a few moments before he put his face to mine and we started to kiss. I  could tell he wanted more as I could feel he was rock hard and pressing into my leg through his jeans. I didn’t want to lead him on, so I told him was off to get a drink.

When I returned to the dance floor ten minutes later, he’d already moved on and was kissing some other skinny young guy.

I spent the rest of the night dancing, talking to guys and even kissing a few more. It felt so euphoric, letting the music wash through me as I danced with my arms in the air.

When it got to about three, I decided it was time to go. I put my T-shirt back on and exited through the front door.

That’s where I saw him again; the cute bar tender from the first place I’d been talking to. He was standing alone in the street, smoking a cigarette. He noticed me at the same time and smiled.

‘Hello again,’ he said.

‘Hi. Jonathan, right?’

‘Yeah. Ash?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I was hoping I’d seen you again. You going back in?’

‘Nah, I’m done for the night. Going back to my room.’

‘Yeah, me too. You live round here?’

‘No, leaving tomorrow. Staying in Camden tonight.'

‘That’s a shame. Would have liked to have got to know you better.’

‘Next time maybe.’

‘You think you'll be back soon then?'

‘Absolutely.’

There was no doubt in my mind that I would be. London was in my heart now. It had been the making of me.

‘We could always go back to mine and get to know each other better now if you wanted?’ he said.

I smiled. ‘Thanks, but I’ve got an early start.’

A few weeks ago I’d probably have gone with him. I was tempted, but I didn’t want that anymore. I wanted to meet someone who I could really be with,for more than just one night.

Maybe Alex hadn’t given me that, but he had showed me what I didn’t want.

‘Can’t blame a boy for trying,’ he said.
I smiled, said goodbye and went to get a taxi.

I got back to my room, stripped down to my boxers and fell on to the bed, with the biggest smile on my face. I thought back through everything that had happened throughout the night. I fell asleep on top of the sheets minutes later.