Omega's Broken Soul [MxM] (Moon Cave Book 1)

Chapter 29

Amari POV

I stared stoically at the off-white wall ahead of me, my blunt fingernails slowly scraping at my shirt hem as I fiddled nervously. Her voice slowly registered in my mind as she spoke softly beside me.

It was only the two of us in the empty bedroom and I could smell her shea butter scent - the same scent that used to make me feel safe and secure. Now it only made me feel betrayal and worthlessness. I tried not to let it bother me, swallowing hard and clenching my jaw.

Joana had a lot to say. A lot of it undeniably tore at heart and made me feel like a horrible prick for denying her a chance at redeeming herself. She was abused for gods sake. She was hurt and manipulated and beaten for years while she protected me and my sister. I felt my heart ache for her as it would for any other person in that situation.

I was there when it happened as a child and once again, the familiar feelings of self-hate started bubbling up again when I reminded myself that I did nothing to protect her or even attempt in saving her from dad when I had the chance.

Luka was always modest. He kept saying I was helpless because I was a pup. I doubted it. There are probably many kids in this world strong enough to stand up for their parents. I unfortunately wasn't one of them.

It greatly surprised me to hear that my father and his best friend were actually in a sexual relationship and I didn't know about it for the first eight years of my life. They were sly bastards if they managed to keep it under the covers for so long and that disturbed me even further. I felt my skin itching as she recited the nature of their relationship.

It wasnt natural. It was disgusting.

Once you were mated, you only had eyes for your mate - your other half. Your heart belonged to that person. Giving it to someone else just felt wrong and my body shivered at the thought. How could they do that?

It made my resolve soften even further for mom even if I didn't want to admit it. But I kept thinking about myself and Luka. If I had to witness Luka all over someone else, hugging and kissing, touching someone else without any regard for my existence, I'd probably die from heartbreak. It make my chest clench with daggers of pain at just the thought.

Yet mom was going through that. I felt awful for her. The urge to turn and at least try and comfort the slightly crying she-wolf was overwhelming. I held back however. Because...

Because if I felt all this pain just thinking about what she went through, then I definitely could not understand why she chose that agony over me.

She soon started to explain how she wanted to feel loved and valued again because of loneliness. She fell back in love with Tristan out of desperateness. Because she thought she could have what they once shared when they were young and in love.

Once again, I couldn't argue with that. There was a little part of me that was still insecure about her reasoning. After everything I'd been through over the past ten years, I couldn't help but question if my status had anything to do with her decision to stay away.

"For the past few years I hated myself. I blamed myself for your death and I tried to change myself," I told her, finally looking at her. Her dark eyes were hooded and red rimmed. Her slim fingers were shaking as she brushed away her tears. "I hated that I was born an omega - sometimes I still do. Raven and I have a rocky relationship to put it lightly. I wanted to be a dominant wolf because I hated who I was. I thought that being an omega was holding me back from a lot of things. It made me weak and vulnerable and I hate feeling like a victim, like I'm not in control."

I took a deep breath, ignoring the shocked, yet guilty, look on her face, her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth parted slightly.

"Luka has been helping me out with that. He keeps trying to get me to embrace myself and stuff. I'm not the innocent little omega I was with you, but I've been getting better at following my natural instinct instead of forcing artificial behaviour. Sometimes I think he's doing this for his own gain - but that's beside the point," I chuckled without humour.