The Wandering God

26 Stagger and Stumble Along 1/2

磕磕撞撞
Kē ke zhuàng zhuàng
Walk unsteadily (when drunk or in a hurry).
Stumble or stagger along; reel.

My life continued on in repeating circles.

In the morning Ermi would come to my courtyard, and we would ride together to the university in the carriage. We would return home, some days later than others, and I would eat with Zakhar, Sanli and Kageyama at Wo You Nai. Then we would sleep, and I would wake the next day to do it all over.

At first Ermi was too shy to speak in class but rarely, and those rare times when she ventured an answer, the students, and sometimes professor, would make her feel inferior.

But gradually, Ermi learned to stand up for herself and her ideas.

"—and the reign of the Old Gods, just and proper, was rudely brought to an end by the coming of the six-clawed dragon Liu Zhua to the Inner Empire..." our history teacher paused, his eye finding the single, slender hand raised above the heads of the class. "Yes, Princess? Is there something you would like me to clarify for you?"

Ermi stood, as was expected when addressing an instructor. "Most sources say that the Old Gods were actually despotic. Humans, and some species of mu'ren, were treated as little better than property under their rule, and many argue that it was a great fortune that Liu Zhua killed them, and thus paved the way for the New Gods to take power."

I, and many of the class had been sleeping, but at Ermi's strong, clear words, we perked up, like flowers receiving rain.

Our professor laughed in a father like fashion, as though indulging the whims of a child. He was a tall man, with a narrow face and long nose, and a smile I did not like.

"And so we should thank Liu Zhua for killing them?" The professor replied, a smile on his face that was just short of a sneer. "Forgive me princess, but it seems you have fallen prey to a trend that is popular in many novels these days, of painting Liu Zhua and the Sixth God and all those other nefarious characters of history as heroes. We should never read our personal biases into history."

Ermi frowned. "Well in that case, it does not seem right to say that the rule of the Old Gods was 'just and proper' does it? That seems like a personal bias."

Our history teacher's smile grew tight, and he looked like he wanted to say several words he should not to a princess. But then he cleared his throat and continued his lecture.

On our rest days, Ermi often came to her uncle's courtyard and together we would study. Or rather, Ermi would study, while I would frit away time sleeping or eating or watching butterflies in the garden.

I started to enjoy attending the university. I liked the dull monotony of the lessons, the lectures. I liked seeing Ermi's boundless enthusiasm, and her determination, no matter how the other students or the professors snubbed her.

Her spirit grew day by day, and for some reason, I felt proud.

I also found I liked being surrounded by others. I did not like to admit it, but it had been lonely, my life, with much time spent in isolation because of who I was and who I had been. I came to enjoy my role now, companion to Ermi, friend to the prince. Resident of Wo You Nai.

Perhaps because of my contentment I found that despite the fact Sanli had removed my silencing seals, I did not want to tell anyone who I was. It was strange, to think the seals that had once bound me to silence had lifted. That I could now tell my name, my story, to whomever I wished. I could shout it from the tile rooftops of Linjing, if I wanted.