The Wandering God

40 By Nature We Desire Food and Sex 3/3

食色性也
Shí sè xìng yě
By nature we desire food and sex. (Mencius)
Appetite and lust are only natural.
*~*~*~*~*~*

Life in the cabin resumed some semblance of normalcy.

Zakhar went hunting again. I did not go with him.

When we were in the cabin together we spoke much as we always had. We joked, and guffawed, and drank too much wine.

But something had changed.

At night I slept on the kang near Sanli. More than once, I fell to sleep knowing Zakhar was still awake, just lengths from me. Wondering what he was thinking.

Memories of our kiss came again and again. Instead of diminishing with time, as I had assumed they would, they burned brighter and brighter, consuming my thoughts, chasing away the dark dreams of pain and screams. Often I would wake up in a sweat, and not from fear.

Dammit. Since when have I been so little in control of my own thoughts? I need to get out of this cabin.

The chance came one morning, when Kageyama returned from scouting and announced we could now travel to the hot springs.

"There are hot springs near here?" I said, astounded.

"There are, but they are at least a day's travel in the snow. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you forcing one of us up there with you though the deep drifts."

"I do not need one of you. I can go on my own."

Kageyama shook his head. "No. They are near ruins of an old god's temple. There are strange magics there. And who knows if there is not another eh'lang on the prowl. No one goes alone."

"Come with me then," I said.

Kageyama raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "Why are you asking me to go? Why not Zakhar?"

"I'll go with you Ao!" piped up Sanli from the kang.

"You're not going anywhere till spring!" snapped Kageyama.

"I'll go," said Zakhar softly from where he sat in the corner. He was working on carving a board for his chess set.

"Thank you, Zakhar," I said, equally softly.

We set out the next day. Zakhar brought Dunya, just to carry our tent and furs, but not to ride. He walked ahead of her, leading the horse.

I walked behind, Dunya's large dusty-brown rear before me.

Well, I needn't of worried it would be hard to talk, I thought. All I have to talk to is the horse's ass.

I had not realized how much I enjoyed the easy conversations I always had with Zakhar.

We had only gone about an hour when we stopped to rest. Traveling in the snow, even though it was only up to our knees, was exhausting. I could see why Kageyama had not wanted us venturing up here when the snow was deeper.

Zakhar stopped us beside the ruins of another hunter's cabin, similar to the one we now stayed in. We tied Dunya to a splintered roof post, then sat on the mouldering deck beneath the remains of the roof.

I took the deer meat and hard bread that Zakhar offered me, looking at the space before us. It had been cleared of firs and planted with small crooked trees that reached black fingers to the grey sky.

I peered carefully at the bark and branches. "Are those... plum trees?"

Zakhar's attention had also been taken by the small trees. "I think so. Probably to make wine."