Loving her

Chapter 32.

The alarm rings on my phone, and I groan right before turning it off. I really should change the alarm tone, because this one is starting to drive me crazy the more I hear it which is almost every day. 

My head is spinning, I must have fallen asleep with the computer on my lap and snacks surrounding my whole body, it wouldn't surprise me at the point in my life that I am afraid nothing would surprise me anymore. 

Falling asleep seems to be the only thing I do anymore and I'm not complaining, sleep lets me ignore real life and the problems real life brings with.

Nothing has changed, I'm still alone in this same dorm-room with the same body and the same problems. I look at the snacks we have which are now non-existent thanks to my last night binging. I seem to have no control over my eating lately and the only reason I don't go to a doctor is that the label of having an ‚eating disorder' gives me too much anxiety. 

As I grab a small noddle pack from the cabinet I read the yellow label that clearly states this is two portions for two healthy people but what they don't know is that it all depends on who they're talking to, if it's me, triple the amount of these noodles wouldn't be enough, but then again nobody is talking to me, not the noodles, not Ava and certainly not the magazines hidden under my bed. 

I take a deep breath as I heat up the water before sitting down on my bed in perfect harmony, I'm excited to eat my food, I always am and this time I'm not afraid to admit it even if it is only to myself and the empty dorm in front of me.

I quickly scroll through my phone to see when my classes start but I decide to skip them and stay at home. 

I don't want to accidentally run into someone and I need more time to myself, studying at home isn't the worst thing in the world; seeing Ava or Liam would be. Right before turning off my phone, I notice a purple app notification and I turn it back on. It's from my social media tracker. 

I take a deep breath this is bound to be something terrible.

*hot_Ava has blocked you on the following;* the message reads, showing me a list of all of my social media accounts. 

I can't believe her, maybe it's because Liam told me about their dirty little secret and she can't handle being out to her best friend. 

The longer I look at the screen on my phone the more tears my eyes are filled with, I feel so caught-off guard and so lost and alone. I just can't believe everything is over just like that. 

Liam and Ava just walking away so easily with no fighting or explanation maybe no one wants to keep me around? And maybe I'm just someone invisible, someone, who needs to get lost.

I lie down onto the bed just to stare at my phone a little longer. Maybe I could still continue my relationship with Liam? And maybe all of this is okay? I let out a deep breath and then inhale. 

I want to be honest with myself even though that means admitting I still want to be with Liam. I know it's stupid but I've never gotten attention like that from anyone let alone a jock.

I look through the window and see the rain falling. Somehow the tapping on the window is relaxing and I manage to get comfortable in my bed despite this whole mess.