Loving her

Chapter 56

Thank you so much for reading, I want to let you know that this chapter gets a little dark and deals with death, if that's something you're not comfortable with, I'd suggest skipping this chapter, I'll be uploading a new one tomorrow. I can't believe WE have made it this far, I love every single one of you who take the time to read „Loving her" It means so much to me and it's the best gift in the world to write something that you love just as much as I do.

„I just never saw it coming." Ava says as she stares out the small window in our dorm. Trying to comfort her for the past hour has brought me little to no luck.

„How are you feeling." I ask, resting my hand on her shoulder which only reminds me of Liam touching me last night. I quickly pull away and instead give her a hug. She shakes her head as if trying to avoid tears. „We need to get ready, I don't want to be the asshole that's late." she says quietly.

I can easily sense the pain in her voice which only makes me feel even more helpless. She climbs into her car and puts on her seat belt. „You know . . . you don't have to go." I say, regretting the words as soon as they leave my mouth. I want to do my best in helping her feel better but for now, I'm only sounding insensitive.

„don't be so naive Olivia, funerals aren't for the living . . . they're for the dead, you wouldn't skip your dogs birthday, so why their death?" she explains and I nod.

Ava starts the car and finally drives onto the freeway.

„you're right, I'm sorry." I say. I'm starting to sound just like Liam and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I can't help but drift back and forth between Ava's dead dog and the way Liam touched me last night. Before I know it, tall trees surround us. It's almost as if we're in a different world, secluded and hidden. 

„we're here." Ava says, pulling me back into reality. She turns off the car and we head outside. „how are you feeling?" I ask again.

 „I don't know." She says, her voice flat. I hate this state, I hate knowing she's griefing inside and I can't rescue her from the pit of darkness.

 „Hello girls." Her mom says, trying to keep our spirits alive, Ava's more than mine. Ava smiles slightly and we head towards the cemetery. 

The entrance is small and I start to worry if I'll even fit. My hips are wider than Ava's and her mom's put together and my stomach isn't exactly the sucking it-in type. As the small opening approaches I let Ava and her mom head inside first. Why do all spaces have to be so small? I try my best to squeeze through but yet, my hips get slightly stuck. I feel someone pushing against my back, pushing me through.

"There you go." A charming male voice says.

For a second my mind goes to Liam even though this voice is much too deep. I turn around, only to see a tall man, he looks to be around thirty and in similar shape to Liam . . . better shape.

„thank you." I smile, trying my best to be polite.

„anytime." He says and the both of us chuckle. Before I can help it, the two of us are walking alongside each other. Ava and her mom have gone too far for me to catch up and honestly, I don't mind being next to this charming stranger.

„Beautiful Sunday isn't it?" he asks, looking into my eyes as if he can't see my fat body.

„yes it is." I say with a smile. Small talk has never been my favorite, but with him, it feels sort of good . . . calming even. For once I can have a decent conversation with someone of the opposite sex who doesn't look at me with disgust, thinking I'm merely some lazy teenager, eating away my life. I look at his black button-down and notice a badge.

„you're a police officer?" I ask.

„Sure am, wanted to be one ever since I can remember." He smiles, showing off his pearl-white teeth.

We finally arrive at the small gathering, I can't help but wonder how Ava's family knows him. We walk over to the ceremony and one of Ava's family members begins a speech which only follows up with more tears and more speeches. I've never understood funerals, the last memory I'd want to remember of someone deceased would be them . . . alive, not being buried. I try my best to be as close to Ava as I possibly can but am quickly reminded that I can't stop her sobs. 

The ceremony has finally come to an end. „can we take a short walk?" Ava asks and I nod „of course."

I make eye contact with the policeman right before we leave. He seems to be holding his wife's hand and comforting her. I can't help but wonder how she managed to nail a man like him down. She doesn't look to be anything special. I'm just hoping I'll get the same when it comes to Liam.

The cemetery is quiet and peaceful. „It's so ironic how even the flowers placed on these gravestones come here to die." Ava says, her voice flat. 

I sigh; „I know, but the living come to visit which can only be a good thing right?"

„they'll die at some point too, it doesn't matter, I lost something I loved." She remarks.

„yeah but he'll always be with you, the memories, the fun times, it's all still there."

„sure, but I'll never see him again. I'll never pet him or take him out for walks.

„No, but now you'll have different memories of him,memories of him guiding you through life, I know it's naive but dogs aresmarter than we think and he really is watching over you, I know it." I smile whilst giving her a tight hug.