Almost Famous |h.s|

Mixed Feelings

June 23, 2020

Airports were the worst part of the entire flying process. 

I hated sitting there for hours on end, I hated waiting through security, I mean I really loathed the entire process and it didn't help that I was absolutely terrified of flying.

I just boarded the plane, Rolling Stone had the decency to get me first class tickets to Philadelphia, and plopped myself into my seat. I was thankful that this was a short flight at least but still....the thought of being up in the air frightened me more than I'd like to admit. In order to distract myself, I always, always listened to music as the plane took off...call it superstition, call it whatever you like, it was my ritual and I was so OCD about it that if I didn't do it, I was sure the plane would go down. 

I frowned as I opened up my playlist and realized that I would have to listen to Harry's album now or it was never going to get done. I had put it off long enough and now that I was literally supposed to sit down with him tomorrow, and I was NOT going to embarrass myself again in front of him, it was time to actually listen to his music. I begrudgingly pulled my Beats by Dre headphones on and skipped over the first song on the album because I had already listened to that one live...I wasn't putting myself through that again. 

I listened to the rest in order, jotting down notes here and there, questions about the intentionality of the order of the music, the specific sounds he chose versus the first album...and the honesty in this album was much different than the first. When I got to the song "Falling" I felt like I could hear Harry breaking down as he sang it. The self reflection from the break up with Camille was evident in the entire album but definitely in this one for sure. When I finally got to "Sunflower Vol. 6" I had to take a deep breath and will myself to calm down. I guess after so long this song was built up in my head and I was nervous about what it would divulge to me. I pressed play and waited for his raspy voice to fill my head space.

"Sunflower
My eyes
Want you more than a melody
Let me inside
Wish I could get to know you Sunflowers
Sometimes
Keep it sweet in your memory
I was just tongue-tied"

I was surprised by the sound of the song. I don't know what I had been expecting but it was so light hearted and happy sounding but the lyrics were still so honest. I was slightly annoyed that there seemed to be this theme of wanting me to open up...I thought I had done that but he apparently felt I hadn't.

"And I don't wanna make you feel bad
But I've been trying hard not to talk to you
My sunflower I couldn't want you any more
Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor
I couldn't want you any more tonight"

I felt my cheeks heat up at the mention of our kiss in the kitchen of the tour bus and how we had danced together that night. He had wanted to build trust through dance and the memory was sweet...

"Wondering headshake
Tired eyes are the death of me
Mouth full of toothpaste
Before I got to know you I've got your face
Hung up high in the gallery
Out of this shade"

I had to smile at his mentioning that morning brushing our teeth together...I was interested in what he meant by "before I got to know you" as I thought that at that point in time we had known each other fairly well...Mitch had just caught us kissing the night prior after all.

"Your flowers just died
Plant new seeds in the melody
Let me inside, I wanna get to know you
I don't wanna make you feel bad
But I've been trying hard not to act a fool
My sunflower"