Almost Famous |h.s|

The Therapist

June 29, 2020

"So, you had a nightmare about Wells, and in this nightmare he kept repeating that he was in love with you but was leaving with his girlfriend at the time, and you said he looked evil....interesting...and who was the person whose voice woke you up?" 

"Uh...Harry...Harry Styles." 

"Ahhhh yes....and what is your relationship with Mr. Styles these days? You never really told your mom and I much about it...not that we had any time to discuss it what with everything with your brother." 

I sighed. I had hoped Jack wouldn't be brought up today but it seemed every time we spoke we were going to bring him up, it couldn't be helped. I think my dad blamed himself for Jack's death, that he had pushed him to join the military but...Jack was going to do what he wanted no matter the influence. 

When my dad retired from the Marine corps at 40 years old, he went back to school and went for a psychology degree, which then turned into a Master's degree, and then his Doctorate. He had realized that there was a real need for therapists in the military to help with the trauma that soldiers experienced overseas so, he became what they needed...someone to talk to. When I had gone through what I went through with Wells, he had helped me through it. He had been in the middle of his undergrad when it all happened and I was basically his first patient. I had never suffered from anxiety until Wells...my dad had said that the constant fear of being caught by his girlfriend, the manipulation, the gifts and then him disappearing for a week at a time, that it all led to who I was at the end...broken. 

"Um...we're friends now. Two years ago it was sort of romantic, we had kissed a few times but...certain events kept us from becoming anything more. Now, we are on good terms at least." My dad hummed into the phone, thinking everything over. 

"Do you have feelings for him Rue?" Ah...there was the question I'd been dreading.

"I don't know dad. He infuriates me half the time, he pushes me to my breaking point, he drives me nuts, but then he can be so sweet...comforting...kind, and I don't think the fact that he is my subject matter for my job helps." Again, he hummed into the phone and I waited patiently. 

"Honey, you have to quit punishing every man that enters your life for what Wells did. Yes, what Wells did, the hold he had on you, the manipulations and everything, I understand why you wouldn't trust anyone for a while but...it's been seven years kiddo," I heavy sighed and rolled onto my back on the hotel bed, staring up at the popcorn ceiling willing myself not to get emotional, "does Harry strike you as the type to manipulate you?" 

"No. I mean, I don't think so at least. I just...I don't trust myself. The past two guys I have dated weren't the best and I thought I was in love with them...how can I trust myself to know that THE Harry Styles is not just another loser?" It was true, I couldn't trust my judgement even now to this day. I couldn't tell if the things Harry did or said were 100% honest because I didn't know the difference between someone being genuine or manipulative. 

"I'd say you'd have to have some faith in not only yourself...but in him as well. You are punishing him and yourself over something some ass hat did years ago. You have to forgive Wells and more importantly, forgive yourself Rue." My eyes slightly widened at that. Forgive myself? 

"Forgive myself for what?" I asked incredulously and I heard my father heavy sigh on the other end of the phone.

"Some part of you blames yourself. You just said you don't trust yourself to make good decisions. I think, in my professional opinion, that you need to find it in yourself to let what happened go and forgive yourself for the choices you made when you were 20 years old. You were still a kid. Our society says at 18 years old you are an adult and that just isn't accurate. It's okay to mess up Rue...no one is perfect...and I think you need to understand that so that you can move on."