Almost Famous |h.s|

Tell Me Lies

July 22, 2020

It was intoxicating. Finally feeling his lips molding to mine, breathing him in, fighting for air but loving that we both couldn't stop even though our bodies were craving oxygen.  His hands were everywhere, holding me, caressing me, grabbing me, pulling me...and I felt the addiction growing more and more with each touch. I didn't know where he stopped and I began. It was like this moment was pushing puzzle pieces back together that had been broken a part for so long. This kiss was nothing like I remembered it to be...it was familiar yet different at the same time.

It felt like we had been in this moment for hours and yet I'm positive it had only been a couple of minutes when he finally broke us a part, slightly pushing me from him, dropping his head into his hands and my hands were still out in space feeling the sudden loss of his body from mine. As I brought my hands down slowly, Harry willed himself to look up at me, despair at what we'd done evident in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm....I shouldn't have done that. You wanted a friend and here I am once again pushing myself onto you." He was angry with himself clearly and I felt really guilty. It was time I came clean. 

"Harry...I don't know how to say this, I don't know why I let this go on as long as I did." He watched me with horror as I spoke and he took a couple of steps back.

"No I'm so sorry Rue. Please don't say anything, don't make any decision now. I don't want you to leave, this was a small lapse in my judgement I promise it won't happen again." I shook my head, he was misinterpreting my words and of course he was...I'd blamed him and been angry with him for so long he thought I was going to run away. I took a step towards him and grabbed his hand. I brushed my fingers over the top of his cross tattoo and he was just staring at me with confusion.

"Harry...I'm not with Eric," his eyes were dancing in-between mine looking for clarity so I continued on, "I haven't been with Eric since I started this tour with you...since Philly." He yanked his hand out of mine and I felt the sting of it. The girl I had had locked away all this time was dragging herself across the floor to him...begging. 

"You lied?" His eyes were glistening and his face was turning red and I knew I had only seconds before he closed himself off to me just like he had all those years ago. I took a deep breath and sat down, I placed my feet in the pool as I pulled my sweater back on. The coolness of the water against my skin helped distract me from my chaotic emotions.

"Harry...you reminded me so much of him...before I even knew it, before I even recognized what it was that scared me so much about you," I felt him beside me but he didn't move and I didn't look up at him, I just needed to speak and if he chose to leave me for good this time then at least he knew the truth, "I didn't start to piece it together until I had that nightmare on the plane. You had given me those AirPods, it was such a beautiful gesture and when I really thought about it, I realized that it triggered my dream of him." I pushed my hand into the water and finally felt the ache from him rejecting me dull down. I closed my eyes and just breathed in. I could do this. I could be honest, just this one time. 

"Wells used to give me gifts. He'd be missing for two weeks and then just show up on my doorstep with some grand gesture, proclaiming his love for me and I was such a fool and so naive that I believed him. He'd come bursting back into my life, shower me with love and gifts, and then leave again, leaving me empty," I opened my eyes again and willed myself to look up at the wonderful man behind me. He was looking down at the ground, his eyes searching for something, but I could tell he was listening, "I want you to know that I lied to you about Eric because I didn't want to risk everything all over again. I'm a coward." I felt my voice crack on that last word and he finally looked at me. His green eyes were staring into my soul and I resisted the urge to cry.