Almost Famous |h.s|

Green with Envy

July 7, 2020

"How can you seriously be mad right now?!"

I couldn't take my eyes off of the bright red lipstick staining his lips. It was a blaring reminder of what I'd seen him doing. I wanted to scream or puke...I couldn't decide which I felt more. 

He was staring at me, eyes wide in a mixture of confusion and anger, his dark eyebrows pulled up in a scowl as he dared me to answer him but I couldn't. What was there to say? I had set the boundaries...every last one of them. I had made the rules and called the shots...

He was right.

This beautifully angered creature that was glaring green daggers into me...looking at me like he couldn't decide whether to push me away or draw me in...

He was right...

How could I be mad when I had been the reason that landed us where we were?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 6, 2020

The past week has gone by like a dream. My article was proving to be somehow even better than my last one and this time I didn't have to meet deadlines...I was the captain of this ship. I could talk about whatever I wanted, focus on anything and everything, and luckily, with our newfound friendship, Harry was open and honest about everything. 

After Harry had detailed to me that he was going to respect my wishes of maintaining a friendship and a professional work relationship, and me finally apologizing for my behavior towards him, things had been going extraordinarily well. 

We traveled through Canada, exploring with the band whenever they had some down time, and got some really interesting conversations for the article. We talked about his drug use on this album, how it's not something he exactly condones but he felt, if you were of an appropriate age and somewhere with people you trusted and it wasn't to escape the trials and tribulations of life but rather to heighten your experiences, then why not? Especially considering he isn't the first musician to experiment with these types of substances. It was a very frank and honest conversation. We touched on his former bandmates, whether they kept in touch or not, what their own individual successes meant to each other and again he was honest. He'd said that yeah some of them kept in touch with each other more than others and of course, he hoped they all were successful in whatever way success meant to them individually. I'd asked if the reunion rumors were true to which he smirked and said, "on this, and this only... I have no comment."

To be honest, as happy as I was that Harry and I were finally functioning as grown adults...I couldn't take away from the feelings I still felt towards him. It was like, now that we were capable of being in the same room as each other and genuinely speak to each other again...there was room for that initial kindredness between us to come back to life again. That level of comfortability I'd felt with him two years ago had crept its way back into my soul and just being near him made me feel like I was floating on a cloud. 

After my talk with my dad, I had realized some things about myself and my feelings towards Harry specifically. I could finally accept that I was in danger of falling for him again and that simple fact terrified me to death. Harry had been correct in his assumption, he had reminded me of Wells two years ago and when he had gifted me those AirPods all spur of the moment and giddy, it took me back to Wells. Wells would always be hot and cold...when it was hot, he would be happy and giving me random gifts, and when it was cold...he was gone like I'd created him in my head. Harry had reminded me of that and triggered something in me that had caused my mind to create that nightmare.