Rural

Chapter 37: My Confidence is Going Down and I Don't Like How it Feels

Chapter 37: My Confidence is Going Down and I Don't Like How it Feels

       Sawyer has been helping me practice almost every day for the upcoming cross-country competition, but the more days that passed, the more worried I was starting to feel about the competition. I didn't want to win just so I wouldn't have to be apart from Sawyer all summer. Of course that was such a huge benefit to getting a part on the tour but... I genuinely loved competing the first time. Being a part of the tour was going to be such an amazing experience.

       But the more I thought about it, the more worried Iw as starting to feel about it. Kitty and Steph had been competing a lot longer than I have. What if the people managing the tour realized they wanted someone with experience? I had, like, no experience.

       I barely had any experience in bed either. Which didn't have to do with anything, but still.

       On the weekend, I ended up sleeping in despite sometimes getting out of bed at a fairly reasonable hour. Not today. I stayed in bed until past noon, and the only reason why I got up was because someone decided to wake me up.

       The door to the bedroom opened up, and I tried to ignore whoever was walking into the room. I pulled the blankets over my head, hoping they would leave me alone.

       They did not.

       "Jamie, it's twelve in the afternoon," Sawyer said. "Are you ever going to get out of bed today?"

       "No," I muttered, still staying under the blanket.

       Sawyer sat down on the bed, trying to tug the blanket off of me but I put up quite the fight because I refused to move out from under the blanket. After a few attempts, Sawyer gave up with a heavy sigh. "Don't you want to practice today?"

       "Why would I?" I asked. "I'm not going to make the cut."

       Sawyer was silent for a bit before saying, "Well, that doesn't sound like the normal, extremely confident Jamie."

       "Confident Jamie has left the house."

       "Hey," Sawyer said softly, trying to peel the blanket away from me again. This time, I let him, even though I was tempted to just hide under a pillow instead. "Why do you think you're not going to make the cut?"

       "Because they're probably going to go with people who have a lot more experience as a competitor," I said. "I've literally only competed once in my life. Once. That definitely does not make me experienced."

       "If they were looking for someone with experience, Lauri wouldn't have given you the offer after you told her that you've only competed once," Sawyer said. "She really is interested in having you on the team. And I told you that you competing in the upcoming competition is more of a formality. Why are you suddenly doubting yourself now?"

       I sighed as I sat up. "Because Kitty and Steph have been competing for years. It doesn't matter that I beat them both last time. When it comes down to it, they have experience and they know what competitions are like. I don't."

       Sawyer held my hand in his. "It doesn't matter if you don't have experience. The touring company still wants you on the team. All you have to do is place well in the competition, and you'll be all set."

       "And what if I don't place well?"

       "You will. That's why you've been practicing a lot."

       "And what if all this practice is for nothing?"

       "Are you okay? You've never been so... doubtful of yourself."

       I sighed again. "Sorry. I'm just very nervous. I don't get nervous often so when I do, I doubt myself. Like a lot."

       "I can see that," Sawyer said before getting off of the bed. "Alright, let's go."

       "Go where?" I asked. "To practice? Because I don't feel like practicing today."

       "Don't worry, you're not going to practice today," Sawyer said. "It wouldn't be good for you and Paint if you try practicing when you're feeling extremely nervous. We are going to go do something to help clear you're mind."

       "Is it sex?"

       "What? No. We're going to do something outside of the house."

       "We can have sex outside."

       Sawyer rolled his eyes as he pulled me out of bed. "Just get ready. I'll meet you downstairs." He kissed my cheek before leaving the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

       It did take me some time to get ready because part of me just wanted to climb back into bed. However, I knew it wasn't going to be a good idea to stay in bed all day when I was feeling nervous. I would just have so much free time to think about what could go wrong at the competition and what it would be like if I didn't make the cut.

       When I was finally ready, I went downstairs where Sawyer was waiting for me by the front door. After I put my shoes on, I followed him outside. "What exactly are we going to be doing?" I asked. "Because there's only one thing I want to do but you already declined it."

       "There's more to life than sex, Jamie."

       "Is there, Sawyer? Is there really?"

       Sawyer chuckled as he led me over to his truck. "We're just going to head into town. Walk around a bit. Maybe get a bite to eat. Anything to help clear your mind."

       "As long as you don't force me to eat that spicy burger, I'm up for anything," I said, getting into the passenger seat of the truck.

       "I didn't force you to eat anything," Sawyer said as he got into the driver's seat and started the truck. "That was all you. You're the one who wanted to prove you were all macho or something."

       "I am macho," I said.

       "I don't know about that."

       "Rude."

       When we got into town, Sawyer just parked his truck in the closest parking lot so we could walk around town for a bit. As we were doing so, I said, "Be honest. Do you think I have a shot at making the team?"

       "Of course you do," Sawyer said. "I've told you so many times that you were amazing at the competition, and that you and Paint have such a special bond. And I'm not just saying this because I'm your boyfriend. I'm saying it because I really do think you have a shot at making the team. I'll be honest, Kitty does too. She and her horse bond so well but Steph? She competes just for the spotlight."

       "Doesn't Kitty do that too?"

       "Well, yeah, but she also competes because she loves it and she loves spending time with her horse. Just like you, but Steph is the complete opposite. Sometimes, she'll use whatever horse is given to her to compete. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's a lot easier competing with a horse that you can bond with. I mean, I've had people who tried to get me compete on a different horse, but I'll only compete with Raven. It's our thing. Just like how cross-country is your and Paint's thing."

       "My and Paint's thing is also bonding over our hatred for Kitty."

       "Hey, if it helps you bond, then that's good. But, like I said, you do have a shot at making the team. The managers will have to be crazy not to pick you. Anyone will be crazy not to pick you."

       I smiled at Sawyer. "Thanks. I'm still a bit nervous but I needed to hear that."

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the competition will be next chapter. will jamie place well or will he crash and burn? :o

anyway, i almost didn't update because i'm sick and tired, but writing jamie's character always puts me in a better mood lol. he's so fun to write about.