Must Have Been the Wind (Alec Benjamin X reader)

• t w e n t y - e i g h t •

My Helpless Eyes

(Y/N's POV)

I can't really explain what happened.

I don't really know.

I remember trying to breathe. In through my nose, out through my mouth.

I tried to convince myself that there wasn't a hand on my neck. That I could breathe fine.

I clutched the covers on the bed I was sitting on, trying to grab onto something; ground myself, tell myself that it wouldn't last forever.

The room would stop spinning.

The thoughts in my head would trail off.

I'd be able to breathe again.

It won't last forever.

It won't last forever.

In through your nose, out through your mouth.

Be strong, (y/n). It's almost over.

(Alec's POV)

"Be strong, (y/n). It's almost over." I tried to keep my voice steady.

Panic attacks weren't anything new, I've dealt with plenty. It's different, though. When you're watching someone you want to protect fall apart right in front of you.

You feel so helpless.

It's awful.

I watched the tears stream down her face, heard her ragged breathing. I didn't think holding her would help.

She began to speak. A few words at a time. Her audible breaths interrupting her.

"Please please please...I'll be ok...I'll get through it...it won't last forever I'll be ok I'll be ok it'll be over soon please." She put her head between her knees, sobbing loudly.

I bit my lip and looked away, tears brimming in my helpless eyes.

(Y/N's POV)

Be stronger than this. You're stronger than this.

In through your nose, out through your mouth.

Don't let him control you.

He can't control you.

Be stronger than this.

(Alec's POV)

"Be stronger than this you're stronger than this." She reassured herself. "...in through your nose...out through your mouth..." she repeated this until she stopped crying.

She slowly lifted her head up. Her pupils dilated, her face flushed. She locked eyes with me, a pleading look plastered on her tear-stained face. I'm sure I looked the same.

I reached my hand towards hers, and she looked down, noticing.

She interlaced our fingers together and nodded at me slightly, tears still falling down her face. The tiniest smile formed on her lips.

I slowly moved towards her, and watched her expression turn serious as she examined my face.

We didn't speak.

We barely made a sound.

I put my hand against her cheek, carefully moving my thumb against it to wipe away her tears.

There was a pleading look in my eyes.

A question asked in silence.

I wasn't sure if kissing her was a good idea, given the circumstances.

But she needed to know how much I cared. She needed to feel how much I cared for her.

She gently put her hand on my jaw, her eyes wide with anticipation. I waited for her to give me a sign. I watched as she nodded slightly, as she slowly began to inch her lips towards mine.

I put my hand on her waist as our lips touched, then quickly moved it behind her back, pulling her close to me.

(Y/N's POV)

I was so close to him. I could feel his heart beating quick in his chest. The tip of his nose grazed against the side of mine.

When our lips touched I immediately felt better.

I forgot the pain and the panic and the string of horrific events that happened today.

I felt safe. Happy. Loved.

I felt his hand move from my waist to my thigh. I broke my lips from his but kept our faces close as I moved my hand down towards his.

I interlaced our fingers. He gently brushed some hair away from my face. I smiled lightly and fluttered my eyes closed as I touched my lips to his again.

His hands roamed my back. I moved my legs so I was straddling him. I felt his lips move from my mouth to my jaw, then down to my neck.

I buried my face into his shoulder and sighed softly. He mumbled something but I didn't hear.

The next thing I knew, he was laying on top of me. He snaked his arm around the arch of my back, pulling me close to him. I could feel my chest hit his every time I inhaled.

His eyes were barely open, their gaze hovering over me. He leaned down and began kissing my neck again. I felt chills radiate through me, although my skin was hot to the touch.

His lips trailed down to my collar bone, then my chest. There was no where else for him to go unless I took my shirt off.

Shit. I don't know if I can do this tonight.

What if I freak out? Or I have another panic attack? Alec would never forgive himself.

I'd ruin everything.

"...w-wait." I sat up. He immediately stopped.

"D-did I do something wrong? Are you ok?" His eyebrows were knit together with concern.

I smiled. "I'm fine." I grabbed his hand. "I'm more than fine." He smiled and looked down.

"What's wrong then?"

I bit my lip slightly. "...I just... I don't know if we should...do this tonight."

He tilted his head. Like a puppy.

"I want to. I really do..." I held his hand with both of mine. He smirked slightly. "I just...I don't want to...you know...freak out again or something."

Alec looked as if he wanted to smack himself in the face.

"Oh my god you're right I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have...I should've realized that you-"

"Alec, it's ok. Really. I'm glad you did what you did." I smiled.

He smiled back. I could see the pure relief on his face. "Me too."
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AN: aH it's been a long time I know I'm sOrry.

I have finals this week and it's rough. It's been real rough.

BUT I'm on spring breaks as of tomorrow after school so hopefully I'll be updating more frequently in the near future :).

-Erin💕