Must Have Been the Wind (Alec Benjamin X reader)

• f o r t y - t h r e e •

If We Try To Bend It Back, It'll Just Break.

(Y/N's POV)

Get your mind off of it, get your mind off of it. Find something to do. Bake something, write something, sing something.

Singing just reminds me of him.

Fuck.

Hopelessly, I took out my phone, hoping that I could at the very least submerse myself in the world of social media for an hour or so.

I opened Instagram, and was greeted by a post from a fan account about my album.

It was coming out next week.

I decided to respond to some of my direct messages. That way, I could at least feel appreciated and spread some gratitude. I shuffle played my Spotify playlist before reopening Instagram. I was about to click on my 99+ message requests but then noticed a DM from a verified account.

@shawnmendes: hey. Is everything ok? I haven't heard from you or Alec for a while.

I sighed, opening the message.

Yeah, we broke up almost two weeks ago actually. I'm okay, just taking it a bit rough. Thanks for checking, Shawn. Sorry I didn't reply sooner.

I decided to reply to some others.

@oneruel: hey (y/n), I wrote a duet and I was wondering if you'd be down to record it with me?

I smiled softly, trying not to fangirl too much.

Of course! *I know I might be too late* but if the offer still stands, I would be so excited to!

I opened the next one, and felt a small squeal escape my mouth.

@greysonchance: hey would you wanna do a song together sometime?

Yes!!! Are you kidding me?! You're one of the greatest songwriters I've ever heard!

I replied to a couple fan messages before I became aware of the song that was playing.

It was Match In The Rain.

I felt my stomach churn.

Suddenly my cheeks were wet from tears and my phone was across the room and my head was in my hands and I don't know how any of those things happened.

I don't know how long I sat there for, but it was long enough for me to play the song six times if that's any indication.

My cries stopped, but the emotional pain still simmered in my veins. I tried to breathe. To just inhale, and then exhale the sadness and the pain and the reminder that I was alone now.

I was without him.

I kept thinking that if I just kept breathing then maybe it could go away. Maybe I could breathe out the anxiety and the trauma that came with that realization.

I can't fix this.

And I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to say it out loud because I knew it wasn't true. I knew I could fix it if I wanted and if I just knew how to, but I didn't.

I ruined everything. It wouldn't be fair to him if I showed up at his door, begging on my knees for him to let me back in.

To hug me and hold me and kiss me and love me the way he had. I'm scared I bent our relationship too much that if we try to bend it back, it'll just break.

If I stay here, in pain, at least I know eventually, we could be friends.

At least I hoped and prayed to God every day that we could.