Must Have Been the Wind (Alec Benjamin X reader)

• f o r t y •

AN: ooOhh the big 4- oh
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Pretending

(Y/N)'s POV

I frantically dug around in my purse for my headphones. I put them in each ear and played the song.

In this Masquerade, she can't feel the pain.
Cover up her heart with a little paint.

Masquerade? What? Is this about me? I'm not hiding anything.

While he's pulling out a flask, to hide it all away.
There's nothing left to say.

No. He did not just say that. He did not just put that in a goddamn song. A song about my personal life that has nothing to do with him! That he released without telling me?!

He knows that they're drowning
She hopes that there's still something left
Let go now 'cause he's leaving

I felt the blood begin to boil in my veins. Tears fell out of my eyes, salt water falling out of my soul from my overwhelming frustration.

But she'd be fine pretending things were alright.

I scoffed. It felt like I'd been slapped across the face. Is that what he thinks of me? I thought to myself, biting my lip to keep in my hysteria. I just 'pretended' that everything was fine? How could he say something so insensitive? So publicly?

Even while it's ending keep it inside
She can feel them bending
All their love is pending so what is she defending?

What am I defending?! What right does he have to judge me?! Does he forget that he was in an abusive relationship too? One that he handled arguably worse than I did?!

Step into the light, to look him in the eye
Feeling so exposed, she tries to stay composed

I could hardly even listen to it anymore. I don't remember a time when I'd been this angry.

But every little fight and every little lie is impossible to hide.

Did he write that line because he found me after it'd happened? I trusted him. I let him help me even though I was terrified I'd be hurting him. I thought he came up there because he cared about me.

But maybe all this time he just felt sorry.

He just felt obligated.

To help the poor girl in the apartment above him.

The one who's "drowning."

He knows that they're drowning

I shook my head, feeling the tears fall faster. I skipped the chorus and went straight to the bridge. I couldn't make myself listen to it much longer.

"We're here." I thanked him politely and threw down sixty dollars. I knew that would cover it, and I couldn't stay in that car any longer. I got out quickly and made my way up to my apartment.

I hate to watch her hurt I know it isn't right.

Oh is that so? Well what the f*ck are you doing right now then?! I chewed the inside of my cheek as I stepped into the elevator.

But she can't find the courage to leave it all behind.

I scoffed again. Is that all he sees? A weak girl who just pretends that everything's fine?

A girl with no courage to leave her boyfriend?

Yeah, we'll just see about that last one.

The elevator opened and I walked down to my apartment, my key ready in my hand.