Falling Irrevocably

5th

5th

Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Kahit imulat ko ang aking mga mata ay hirap na hirap ako. I've been in my room, in our mansion, since I went back here last week. Kuya Psalm actually called me and begged me to come home so I did. Good thing is that my parents are out of the country for some business transactions.

Simula nung umuwi ako ay hindi ako lumalabas sa kwarto ko. I have no will and no strength to do so. My brothers always visit me and eager me to eat. Pero wala talaga akong gana kaya nakakailang subo pa lang ako ay naayaw na ako.

They thought I'm sick, physically, but I'm not. The pain in my heart is too much for me to handle. The pain is draining me from insideout.

Now, I realized how being hurt emotionally can affect the whole body. Mas masakit pa ito kaysa sa pisikal na karamdaman. Sana nabugbog na lang ako o nasampal. Sana hindi na lang siya natahimik nung sabihin kong tinatapos ko na ang lahat sa amin.

The knock from my door took me back to reality. Napalingon ako rito. I kinda put a smile on my face when I saw my bestfriend walking in.

"Hey, bitch! Get up already!"

Pinilit kong bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga at umupo sa kama. Nakaramdam ako agad ng pagkahilo pero hindi ko ito ipinahalata. Ria doesn't know this side of me. Kilala niya ako bilang masayahin at mataray na kaibigan niya, hindi itong nanghihina dahil lang sa isang lalaki.

Yet, that man is my everything. I love him so much. Enzo Chanler Lee-Del Vecchio is the only man that I want. I fell for him irrevocably.

Nag init ang sulok ng aking mga mata kaya ipinikit ko na lamang ito bago pa maglabasan ang mga luha.

"Are you still sick?"

Tumango ako para sagutin siya. Naramdaman ko na lumapit siya. The bed sink so I realized that she sat in front of me.

I slowly opened my eyes. Seryosong nakatitig si Ria sa akin. Lalong nag init ang sulok ng aking mata. I clutch to heart as tears stream down.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

I snickered to her question. Ano ba dapat ang aasahan ko sa amin ni Enzo Chanler kung sa simula pa lamang ay maling mali na ang lahat. We started in the wrong way so we end up in the same way too.

"Everything is wrong." I answered that made her confuse.

I was really open to her, she knows my feelings for Enzo Chanler but I can never tell her that I'm his fuck buddy. Or was. Hindi ko kayang sabihin sa kaibigan ko ito. Hindi ko kayang sabihin sa kanya ang mga nagawa ko para lang mapunta sa akin ang lalaking mahal ko.

"We all have our story to tell, Den..."

She took my hand from my chest and held it.

"I don't know what it is but always remember, I'm here."

It was the first time I heard some touching words from her. Lagi kaming masaya at maloko. Hindi ko akalain na dadating sa punto na kaya namin mag usap ng matino. Lalo tuloy akong napaiyak. Lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ko.

"Tho I want you to rest but we have to attend the baccalaureate mass for today. Requirement kasi ito para sa graduation." She said as she broke the moment.

Graduation?

Shit! Ngayon ko lang naalala na ilang araw na lang ay g-gaduate na kami from senior high. And I know that my parents will sent me to a prestigous university outside the country.

I suddenly opened my eyes. A thought snapped into my head. Bakit nga ba hindi ko ito naisip?

I can use that as an escape. Kahit ayaw kong iwan si Ria at ang mga kuya ko ay dapat kong gawin ito para sa sarili ko. Nakikipagtalo pa ako kay Dad dati na gusto kong manatili sa Pilipinas pag nagkolehiyo na ako pero may desisyon na siya.