Confusion (Sequel to I Wish...)

Chapter 3

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Chapter song: No Angel by Birdy
(Becca's pov)
I stayed with my head down for a while. I heard someone enter the kitchen, but I didn't really care who.
"Are you in here to avoid me?"
A familiar Canadian accent spoke. I ignored him and closed my eyes.
"I'll take that as a yes"
Justin sat beside me.
"...C'mon Becca, you can't stay mad forever"
He sounded really close. I don't like it.
"Maybe I can"
I muttered.
"You can't. I know you won't, because I still know everything about you"
He sounded discouraged.
"Not anymore"
I knew it was true. He doesn't know a lot of things about me. For example, what happened today.
"...I know you can't stay mad at me forever. Can I get a hug?"
He sounded sorry. I sighed and hugged him, sitting up.
"I miss this"
He hugged me tight and secure. I wanted to cry, but I know that if I do, the makeup will come off. I winced a little from my stomach and the tightness of the hug.
"Are you ok?"
He let go of me. I nodded and returned to laying my head on the table.
"You're something else, aren't you?"
He spoke quizzically. I don't know if that's a joke or not, but I knew that he knew I was lying. The oven timer went off, and I opened the oven.
"Hey wait"
Justin stopped me.
"What?"
I glared menacingly at him.
"You're gonna burn yourself"
He used the small towel to take the brownies out for me.
"Oh...yea"
I mumbled and grabbed a knife. I cut myself a brownie and sat down, ignoring Justin again.
"You know what? We really need to catch up. How bout we go for ice cream?"
He suggested.
"No"
I shook my head.
"Please Becca. I don't wanna be enemies"
He sighed miserably.
"That's your fault"
I shook my head and picked at the brownie.
"I know, and I really want to make it up to you. If you don't like it, I'll leave you alone. But please let me try"
He spoke truthfully.
"....Fine, but nothing else
I glared. I felt defeated.
"Thank you. Wait for me outside"
He walked out into the living room again. I sighed, regretting ever agreeing to go, then I walked outside. I made sure my make up wasn't coming off before I heard the door shut.
"You want my jacket?"
Justin offered.
"No"
I'd rather freeze to death than wear his stupid jacket.
"Can you be nice to me for once, please?"
He asked apologetically.
"What? Do you expect me to be nice after you...ugh, nevermind"
I muttered then sighed.
"Becca, I said I was-"
"Sorry. Yea, start acting like it"
I glared and opened the door for myself. I didn't get anything, neither did Justin. This is pointless.
"Becca, I really want to be friends again. I don't want you mad at me anymore"
Justin sat in front of me at a table.
"That's not my fault"
I narrowed my eyes.
"Dammit, Becca, I get it, ok? It was wrong of me to do that. Especially while we were dating, but...I don't know. It wasn't your fault. I just needed something. I wasn't thinking, and now that I'm back...I still need you. Probably not as my girlfriend, but as my best friend. Don't leave our friendship broken like this. I'm not asking for another chance or forgiveness. I know you won't give me that. I'm asking for our friendship back...please Becca..."
Justin's words made me tear up.
"...I'm sorry"
He swallowed hard, and my throat tightened.
"Sorry doesn't take the pain away"
I started to cry softly in my hands.
"Becca, don't cry..."
Justin whispered and placed his hand on my arm.
"Please excuse me"
I walked to the bathroom, so I could redo my makeup. I calmed myself down and made sure everything looked back to normal. I was still sniffling when I walked back out. I was instantly hugged by Justin.
"Becca, I really am sorry. Can you please give it a shot?"
His body was warm and cozy, just like old times. And in a way, I miss him. But even if we could be something special again, we can't. We're both in relationships, and I really can't trust him anymore.
"...I'll try"
I mumbled.
"Thank you, bae"
He put his arm around me.
"Don't call me that"
I pushed his arm off and glared.
"What do I call you then?"
He looked hurt. He should be.
"Nothing"
I answered irritably.
"...Hey, guess what I'm thinking of"
He smiled weakly at me.
"No"
I muttered, very annoyed by him.
"C'mon, you know you want to"
He said in a tempting voice.
"Ugh...Fine"
I gave in.
"I'll give you a hint. She's a girl"
He started off.
"Let me guess, your girlfriend"
I tried not to sound disgusted, but I can't help myself.
"Uhm...no. This girl is a special girl, and you know what? She's mad at me"
He gave me plenty of clues to know that the person he was thinking of was me.
"It's me"
I replied in irritation.
"Yep"
He grinned at me.
"Who said I'm mad at you?"
I finally was the first to actually start a conversation with him.
"Nobody...I just assumed with the way you're treating me"
He shrugged.
"I'm not mad at you...anymore. I'm just hurt by you"
I admitted.
"Hurt....by...me"
He sounded shameful. It was quiet the whole way back. When we walked back in my house, Selena ran up to Justin. I instantly walked away. I heard her complaining to Justin and whispering in his ear. Her glance at me made me realize she was talking about me. I sighed and went into the kitchen.
"Well, how'd it go?"
Ryan was already waiting for me.
"It was pointless"
I muttered.
"Why?"
He started cutting a brownie from earlier.
"Let's just say that sorry doesn't fix anything"
I sighed tiredly.
"You're right. He thinks apologizing will just patch everything up. But I know he doesn't want to lose you. Becca, I want you to know that it won't hurt to be friends with him. You don't have to if you don't want, but I'm just saying that it's safe.
Ryan handed me a brownie.
"Thanks"
I mumbled.
"We ordered pizza. You want some?"
He offered.
"Nah, I'm too tired"
It's only 8pm, but I just want some rest now.
"Alright, goodnight hug"
Ryan opened his arms for me to hug him. I hugged him then went upstairs, ignoring Justin and his bitch, excuse my language. I slipped into bed and thought about how miserable I am. I could tell that Justin was hurt, but he has no idea what hurt feels like. He may be hurt, but it's not my fault at all. I wish he knew what it felt like to be cheated on. To be lied to by the person you love...twice. To be trapped in an abusive relationship. Justin doesn't know shit about me, no matter what he says. I doubt things will get better. I doubt that Justin and me will never be something again.