Confusion (Sequel to I Wish...)

Chapter 18

Chapter song: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri
(Justin's pov)
-9am-
My phone buzzed loudly, waking me up.
"Aye"
I mumbled tiredly.
"Justin, we still gotta work on 8 more songs"
It was Scooter.
"Ugh, I'll do it later"
I muttered. I've only been to the studio about 8 times since I got back.
"Fine"
He sighed then hung up. Becca shifted in my arms.
"...I'm scared"
She whispered through the silence.
"Why?"
I looked at her to see her eyes were full of tears.
"He said he would hunt me down and hurt everyone I loved if I told anybody"
A tear rolled down her cheek.
"Becca, that's not gonna happen. You're safe here. He'd have to go through some pretty tough security to get near us"
I dried her eyes and held her tight.
"I hate my life"
She mumbled sadly.
"Don't say that, Becca. My life isn't too good either"
I sat up with her.
"Why?"
She looked at me with curiosity.
"It's not easy having everyone follow you around and shoving ugly comments in your face"
I stated truthfully.
"Really?"
She winced when she rubbed her eyes.
"Yea. Are you ok?"
I stopped the conversation to ask her. She nodded softly.
"Listen, Becca, about the other day. I'm sorry you had to hear that voice message. I'm sorry I didn't respect your personal space. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I never contacted you back. I'm sorry I broke my promises. And most of all, I'm sorry for cheating on you"
I apologized for everything I did to hurt her.
"I guess...I guess it's ok"
She shrugged, wincing as she did.
"No, it's not ok. I will never be able to forgive myself for hurting you. I don't expect you-I don't want you to forgive me. I don't deserve it"
I lowered my voice.
"Well...you did hurt me really bad..."
She mumbled truthfully.
"I'm sor-"
"But I've been such a bitch to you, and I feel bad now"
Her voice was guilty.
"You shouldn't. I deserved all of it"
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.
"Justin..."
Becca looked at me.
"What?"
I stared in her sad, gray eyes. Before I could think, Becca moved in and kissed me. I held her small body and kissed back.
"I can't hold it in anymore"
She whispered and held me close.
"What do you mean, babe?"
Damn, I've been dying to call her that.
"I don't want you to hurt me again, so I pushed you away"
She kissed me deeply, hugging my close.
"Fuck all that. I won't hurt you ever again. I just want you to love me"
I kissed back with the same amount of want. She smiled appreciatively and buried her head in my neck.
"Let's go downstairs"
I carried her in my arms, because she still whimpered from last night.
"Looks like you two made up"
Ryan chuckled.
"is it too obvious?"
I grinned and sat Becca on the couch next to Ryan and Chaz.
"Yep"
Chaz joined in.
"I guess you're right"
I winked at Becca, making her blush.
"You feeling better?"
Ryan asked Becca.
"A little"
She shrugged.
"Are you hungry?"
Chaz asked too.
"No"
She shook her head, wincing in the process.
"...What happened?"
Chaz dared to ask again.
"My...uhm..he...I..."
She looked at me for help.
"Her boyfriend isn't as nice as you think he is"
I spoke up for her.
"...But...why the fuck would he do that?"
Ryan shook his head in confusion.
"He's always been like this...He's just....never been this bad before"
Becca joined back in.
"Why didn't you tell us?"
Chaz asked worriedly.
"...I felt like...I kinda...deserved it"
She admitted shamefully. What the fuck?
"Why?"
I asked quickly and concerned.
"I...uhm...Justin, it's not your fault. I just felt mad at myself for...loving you"
She mumbled guiltily and shyly.
"This...is because of me?"
My heart dropped, and shame replaced it.
"Justin, no-"
"Of course it is. Dammit, Becca, I'm so so sorry"
I put my head in my hands. Ryan and Chaz gave us some privacy and left the room.
"Justin, don't feel bad"
Becca scooted closer to me.
"How can I not? You didn't deserve that, Becca. You never did"
I sighed frustratedly.
"Well, maybe I did"
She mumbled.
"No, Becca, you didn-"
"I felt like crap, Justin. I couldn't help it. I was so numb and broken, and I needed to feel something. Plus, I fucking blamed myself for everything. So, yes, Justin, it was your fault. You hurt me. There, are you happy now?"
She threw her hands in frustration, wincing in the process.
"No, Becca, I'm not happy. I'm so sorry. I was so fucking stupid. I missed you so much, and I wanted to find somebody like you...That was the worst mistake I ever made in my entire life. I'm so so sorry"
I teared up and hated myself for causing her all this pain.
"It's ok, Justin. We made up. It's the past now. Just forget it"
She crawled on my lap and hugged me.
"Ok"
I hugged her back.
"Ryan, Chaz, you can come back in"
I called, and they entered.
"You guys ok?"
Ryan and Chaz sat beside us.
"Yea"
I answered for Becca.
"Here, we got you a treat"
They handed Becca a lot of chocolate: brownies, candy, ice cream, and fudge.
"Aw, thank you...but it's a little unhealthy"
She declined.
"Since when do you care about unhealthy and healthy food?"
Ryan raised his eyebrows at her.
"I don't. I've just been eating chocolate for the past few days"
She reasoned.
"C'mon, babe, you need cheering up"
I joined in.
"Ok, fine"
She took the treats and started to munch on everything. I noticed her eyes were teary as Ryan and Chaz turned on a movie.
"Hey, it's ok. We're gonna watch your favorite movie"
I whispered and dried her eyes. She nodded.
"How do you know my favorite movie? You don't even know what it is"
She looked at me suspiciously.
"Never Say Never, of course"
I heard some things from Ryan and Chaz. Her cheeks heated up, and she took a bite of a brownie. We watched the movie, and I made sure to hold her and peck her cheek every once in a while. I've been holding the urge to give all my love to her.
-3pm-
When the movie finished, we threw all our snacks' trash away.
"We're gonna go hang out for awhile. You guys wanna meet us at the park for dinner?"
I offered and stood up with Becca. She winced, so I let her sit back down.
"Sure. 6pm?"
Chaz suggested.
"Sounds good"
I nodded as they entered the kitchen.
"Can you walk, babydoll?"
I sat beside her.
"Yea, it just hurts a lot"
She nodded and stood up. She had a limp and winced. I put my arm around her, helping her walk. We sat in our usual spot under the playground.
"You ok?"
I looked her worriedly.
"Yea, I'm fine"
She nodded. It got quiet real fast.
"...What would've happened if I wasn't there last night?"
I asked both myself and Becca.

(A/N: Is Justin on Ellen this week? I hope so. Next post, Wednesday)

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