Caroline and the Pastor

Chapter Nine

Julian:

I couldn't keep myself from embracing her. The moment I did, I felt my soul drown in calm.I can feel her breath against me slow. I keep catching whiffs of her scent; sweet and intoxicating. She calmed me down about as much as I am her. I think it'll take her longer to get over this one.
Yes, I was angry. It overtook me, and it wasn't fair of me to not watch my tongue around her.
Her hazel-green eyes welling up is something from a nightmare, and I feel horrible about causing it. Again.

"Father, why is your heart beating so fast? Are you still upset with me?"

I forgot she could hear that.. she is at that height. How do I distract her?

"No, Caroline. I'm not upset with you, I promise. What you're going through isn't a sin. If you think it is, we'll fix it. I'm right here with you, through whatever you face. You know that right?"

"Yes, of course, Father."

"One more thing. When we have these sorts of chats, so that they stay personal, call me by my name."

"You want me to call you... J- uh, so I'm supposed to call you..."

She won't be able to finish that sentence right now, guessing by the color of her face.. and chest.

"Julian, yes."

To hear her call my name is amongst the many wishes I have. It will at least keep me grounded. I'm just a bit nervous for myself, that first time it rolls off her tongue will leave me foggy.

We've been hugging for too long now. If anyone sees, we could get in trouble.

"Alright, how about we-"

"No.."

No?? Did she just? I think she did.

"You don't want to call your parents?" I couldn't help but chuckle through that sentence.

"No- I.. hold me for a bit longer, please?"

Hold her. I wish that's all I could ever do.

She's mumbling?

"What?"

"Don't be mad! Please, I can't take it."

"No, Caroline, you spoke directly into my chest, I couldn't hear you."

"Oh.. I said 'I don't know who the man is... I can't tell' ... I'm sorry."

"Shh. Don't be. You know what? I'm sorry for frightening you."

"It's okay, Father. Anything you to do me is within reason. I can accept that and you fully... May I lay down for a minute? I'm feeling a bit exhausted."

"What's mine is yours, go right ahead, darling."

The way she cuddles those blankets makes me wish I was one. Her eyes are closed and she's never seemed more angelic than right now. Her breathing seems to be steadier that usual, so that's good. She's calm.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!"

"For what, dear?"

"I said 'Father'. Forgive me, I meant to say, um... 'Julian'."

With that, she fell asleep.

She asked for forgiveness, but the one who needs forgiving right now is me.