Caroline and the Pastor

Chapter Twenty

Caroline:
I don't think I've ever felt this sad getting home. Today was a great day at school, and I used everything that Julian taught me. It felt so good to finally stand up for myself. I don't know why I didn't come up with this idea before; especially, against Mr. Williams. At the church, Julian and I actually did some schoolwork. I was having trouble with the portion of my essay that called for connecting Pride and Prejudice to my life. Apparently, my family has money because of Daddy's oil business. I never noticed it. Julian certainly always puts things into perspective.

Last night had me thinking a lot about my feelings for him. I talked with the gals at lunch today, and they basically told me I was in love. They also told me I was 'horny'. I think I'll research that, now that I don't have to pretend I know what that means. I should definitely do this in my room, though.

Alright. Here goes nothing. Sexual excitement?! Oh... oh my. I mean, I know what sex is. I saw it once the day my nanny got fired for bringing her boyfriend over. She was the one who explained it to me. I didn't see much, but I know basically how it goes. Well... as long as we're searching it.
Oh. My. GOODNESS!!!
Lord forgive me. Please forgive me. Oh my gosh. I'll have to add this to this weeks confession list. It's for educational purposes.
Educational. Purposes.
What? No. I know all of the mothers in my area, and they are all happily married, thank you very much! Well, Ms. Lacey is single, but isn't exactly a looker.
I'll just scroll down, stop,and pick. I can't handle any of these titles or thumbnails!!
Wow...so that's what it looks like. Why is she so loud? Is that what I'm supposed to sound like? Is she in pain? Who likes that? Will my husband like that? Wh- HER LEGS! THE LEGS! Okay, next. I can't. Not this video. Who invites the pizza man into their home? Why were they both wearing roller skates?

This one is...calm. They seem like they both love each other. He's kissing her everywhere. He must really appreciate her. I don't see rings, so they aren't married, but maybe they plan on it? Why else would you do this with someone? Oh... her panties looked like mine last night. So... wow okay. They were right. Is this what I want with Julian?

I think... I think I do. It sure does look painful though. Maybe I should search that next. She's not as loud as the other girl. Maybe it doesn't hurt as much? I think, if he'd want to do this, I'd definitely try to push through the pain for him. I know I should be married, and I can't believe I'm saying this. I think our devotion to God alone should make up for it. Plus we can always spend all day praying after, right?

"Caroline dinn- GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!! Caroline!!! What in God's name!!!!"

"Momma! Hi! I'm.... researching!"

Oh no no no NO! Oh man, I'll never get away with this! Why won't that lady stop making noises!!! Close the laptop!

"Like heck you were!!! UGH!!...Breathe, Julia. Old age will take you away. Breathe. Caroline, I heard more than I needed to from that. You're lucky it was me who came in and not your father. You're also lucky it's too late to send you back to Father Julian for a confession right here and right now."

She's so mad. I can feel it. When she doesn't seem mad is when she's livid. I can't breathe. Say something. Apologize! Defend yourself!
She's sitting on my bed? She's not taking things away from me?

"However, I knew this day would come. You do need to know more about this. Even though, you won't experience it until you're married. Your father doesn't think so, but I do. You know how there's no changing his mind. I'm disgusted that this was your method of choice, but not as mad as I should be. Make sure you confess this tomorrow. Don't think you can get away with this."

"Yes, Momma."

"Dinner is nearly ready. Be down in 5 minutes."

As soon as that door shut, I realized I was holding my breath. Wow, all things considered, that conversation went... well? I guess I will have to confess this. I could've googled it instead of watching dramatic 'how-to' videos. I should wait for my face to cool off before I go downstairs for dinner. At least I know where my head's at with Julian, now. This should be interesting.