Caroline and the Pastor

Chapter Twenty-Two

Caroline:
He's not saying anything? He's never been speechless before. Was it because of my sin, or was it because of what I just told him? Should I be embarrassed? No. I meant it. I really meant it, and it was eating me up inside. It needed to be said. His face is pale, and his eyes look absent. Maybe, he doesn't feel the same?

"Julian, please say something."
Radio silence.
"Julian, please. I'm spiraling right now. I won't apologize for this because I needed to say it. These past months I've been feeling these feelings, and I didn't know it was you. Now, I know. You remember what I had said, right? The heat, the butterflies, the fuzzy brain. Now that I've said it, I feel free. It was the right choice, and you can't tell me otherwise. If you don't feel the same way, I'll handle it somehow. All you need to know is that's how I feel."

Still nothing. My heart is... hurting. No, no, no don't cry. Be strong. You needed to say this.

"I'm...leaving then. I'll let you process..."
My face feels so hot. My throat is closing. Why won't he speak? I'm turning the door handle slowly. Maybe, he'll get the hint? His eyes are still on me. No! The tears made their way out.  My chest really hurts. This is awful. All I want is a hug from him. Right now.

"Caroline..."
He placed his hand on the door, holding it shut, and had his other one on top of mine. I was surrounded by him and his scent. I guess that's as close to a hug as I'll get right now.
"Caroline, don't go yet...please."

"I'm sorry I put you in an awkward position. You don't have to deal with this right now. I don't want to force opinions on you that you're not ready to handle. I can go." The sobs are out. Why couldn't I have held it together until I at least left!? I need to get out of here.

"Caroline." He grabbed my shoulders and gently pulled me back. The door closed, and my back is pressed against it. He's so close I could die.

"Shh, don't cry. Look at me, please. I was just taken aback, angel. Let's get this hair out of your face, so I can see you. Those tears don't belong there, either. There, perfect."

"I'm s-sorry that I just sprang that on you but-"
His finger pressed on my lips. I should probably make eye contact, or do something to calm me down.

"It needed to be said. I know, I was listening. No apologies, you're right."

"W-well?" I can't breathe, I'm tightening up all over agin.

In one swift motion, his hands cupped my chin, and he kissed me. This was the... the hungriest kiss I've ever felt. It feels as if he was holding back before. Is this my answer? He picked me up and placed me on the bed, without his lips leaving mine. His arms are so strong. His lips are so soft. I feel so safe. It's probably a sin to feel this way and to feel these feelings. My legs are still around him, but I don't care. Wow, this tongue thing is great, too. Flavored lip-balms are such a good idea. His hair is so soft, and his hand on my ribs feel softer. There's a breeze down there again. The videos called that being 'wet'. At least now I know this is what he does to me.
He gently broke the kiss and kept his nose to mine. He's panting a little. It's so cute.

"I didn't think I had to say it after that, but I do. So, here it goes. I love you too, Caroline."

"W-what?? Really?" I cannot believe this!!!

"Are you blind, angel? Yes, I do. I have for quite some time now. I didn't realize that was how you felt towards me, nor did I realize that those words would ever come out of that pretty little mouth." His thumb brushed my lip.

"I'm... so happy, Julian. I'm so so happy!!"
He tucked some hair behind my ear and left his hand cupping my cheek.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" I couldn't help but giggle. His eyes are so sparkly.
"Julian?"

"I just.. don't think I've ever seen you this happy, love. I want to take this all in. You're so beautiful when you're truly happy." 

"Wow, thank you..."

"What is it, Caroline?"

"I'm just thinking... we should probably keep this a secret, right? Like we kind of have been? I don't know how that's going to go with your position in the ministry. It's my fault, but whatever you decide, I'll do what you need me to."

He let out a deep breath. "Yes, for now, we should keep this a secret. Don't stack up that gorgeous head of yours with this. It's not your fault. It takes two for this sort of relation. I'll figure this out, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm going to go get into my robes. Wait right here for me. We can work on your schoolwork down here instead of upstairs."