Memories from Another Time

Third Year of Flashes

"I want to cut"...

"I want to kill myself"...

"I want to hang"...

"I just want to give up"...

Oh, how I've dreamed of this scenarios happening this summer. I have dreamt of killing myself a couple of times. This is the worst summer I can ever experience.

"Why am I like this? Why do I feel this pain inside? I don't know, I really don't know...It hurts".

Before the start of every school year, the students were required to clean up the rooms we were staying in. During this activity, I met Juvia and Uriel. They have been friends since seventh grade and talking to them made me feel like I will never understand them. After cleaning up our rooms, we had the thought of eating out in KFC or Korean Fried Chicken. While hanging out with them, Edward ruined the fun by making it seem like everything was about him. Uriel and Ed knew each other since seventh grade because they belonged in the same cult. I felt out of place and controlled. I wanted to talk but can't because of his presence.

After five days, it was the start of my third year in this school. As always, I went to Edward as it was part of his rules. We ate lunch together and it was all normal. This went on for about a week until a random boy whose name is Carlton invited me to play a game of charge. Me being the competitive type, chose this game over Edward for the first time. The moment Edward saw me having fun with other people, he shouted at me in front of people and dragged me out of the room. The moment we reached a private location in school, he slapped me. Continuously nagging me that I cannot have fun without him.

I cried... I couldn't take it anymore, and yet I couldn't leave him... He was too much. I can't leave him because of a foolish promise I made with his brother and family. How I swore I wouldn't make him cry. I didn't talk to him for three days and it left me a stake in the heart every single time I passed by him.

It was these days I realized how fun it was without him. Although this realization has hit me, it wasn't enough to give me a reason to leave him. I played with Carlton and his friends until I saw him give me the stink eye which made me chase after him. I apologized, I told him that I needed him. This made him give me another chance which in my opinion was really not necessary.

After months of continuous fights, ups and downs, I encountered Zairen once again. This time Carlton introduced me to him, thinking that we didn't know each other. I remembered his eyes and his words, so I just gave him a nod and walked back to my classroom.