Memories from Another Time

Shattered Season of Giving

It was afternoon, when Sahya and I met up in Tinyso. I saw him observing two penguin stuffed toys, one that was grey-white and another that was blue-white. He looked at me from head to toe and pushed me towards the fluffy plushies. "Pick one... I need a child's opinion", he said with a smile but having an obvious look of uncertainty. I wanted to ask him what was wrong but decided not to until we're back in my room. "It's a hard decision for me but if I were asked, I'd prefer the grey one". He bought the one I prefer and asked him whom he bought it for. "I'll tell you when we're home", he said reassuringly.

We bought various stationary materials from Communist Book Store. Added everything that was required to create an exploding box to our cart. A box that contains memories, tokens, and every single thing that makes the person your giving the box to, feel special. After the shopping in CBS, we passed by a bank to withdraw money so that we could buy evening snacks in 9-11.

When I closed the door and faced him, I saw his eyes teary eyed. I felt his pain, it was then I realized that everything we just bought was for Medusa. "I guess you finally realized", he said in a calm voice. "I'm trying to make this final gift for her", the crack on his voice made it clear how much he loved her. His voice also made it clear that he has been tricked, not as simple as a prank but worse. "Shobe if you can, please draw me as much penguins as you can", he pleaded.

I am no expert in love, but if I were to see those eyes, I would automatically assume betrayal. "How many times?", I asked. "Too many to count. I know I'm such a fool for doing this but, if it's the only way to make her realize how much I long for her... then maybe... just maybe... she'd return it back", he exclaimed grasping for hope and desperation to keep someone he love. "Zair- NO... you don't belong in my mind anymore. Don't even try... you left me here to take care of your friends now fuck off!", fighting my subconscience while trying to comfort Sahya.

I wrapped my arms around him. Looked him in the eyes and said, "I won't expect the best but I'd aid you in doing your best". I saw myself in his eyes but in my situation, Zairen was Medusa. The realization of having everything in the wrong way gave me a mild shock. I don't only remember Edward through Medusa, I also get reminded of Zairen. Medusa is the female, fusion of both boys, mostly Edward, which sucks for Sahya. The difference between Sahya and I was he took Medusa with a smile on his face and great acceptance while I took Edward with depression and Zairen with longing.

I said my early goodnight to Edward just so he wouldn't spot anything fishy. It was a night filled with paper folding, glue guns, glue, sequins, and much more than what can be imagined. I placed my penguin drawings inside the box. I saw Sahya place down a cigarette, a candy wrapper, and a rock that we both found in the school grounds. Each having their own significance and letter attached. The fragile and perfectionist hands of a man who I thought was clumsy, showed up in a split second. Every photo, every letter, every single grasp he could think of to make her stay.

We finished the box at around four in the morning, both having the sense of accomplishment. I looked at Sahya, observed his tired eyes and saw how much it was filled with hope. "I know that it will not work Shobs... but I'm willing to risk it", a whisper surrounded me as if his eyes were saying exactly that. I placed my hand on him and said, "You should rest even if only for a while". Once again I heard him say in a monotonous tone, "I want to rest but I can. I can only do so once I've given my last chance".

It was Christmas party today, I got my present ready and prepared the food-to-share I had to bring to school. I took a bath then lend Sahya a fresh towel so he could also bathe. As we got ready, I felt the urge to message Zairen and give him his gift, but decided to ignore it. It was six-thirty, we decided to start walking to school. It was quite odd going to school with another person, especially a guy. "This is probably what it feels like to go the same school with an older brother", I thought to myself.

He brought me near my room, enought to not let Edward see who I was with. I told him," See you later Sahya. Goodluck!", to which he responded with a waving gesture then turned around. As I turned around I suddenly heard, "SHOBE GO TO 12- XIN LATER!!!!", followed by an awkward silence then normal noises.

The party was kinda trashy, there was no order nor schedule that we were following. No music whatsoever and of course, I was alone. When the party ended, I went to Grade 12 Building to hunt down Sahya. I saw just the slightest glimpse of Zairen but I knew to myself that I was just hallucinating. I waved to Sahya then went to Chelly.

When I arrived in 12-Xin, I saw a small girl walking towards me handing out a cat pouch. "Wait what am I saying... it's Chelly", I laughed. When I got the pouch, Chelly lifted her arms around me and gave me a nice big hug while saying, "MERRY KURISUMASU SHOBE!!!", leaving me a puzzled look but returned the hug anyways.

After the party, Sahya didn't show up. He didn't return to my house but when I opened my AM, I felt the heart wrenching pain he was describing. The part where he can't even fathom the pain. He tried giving everything but failed. He was defeated by someone who only wanted snake eggs.

The night slowly progressed but I can't stop wondering how he is amidst this christmas break. Then again Sahya doesn't really have a break since he does belong to the same cult as Edward was in. The thoughts overflowed as I worried for him more. I wanted to check up on him but he shut down just like how Zairen did a few weeks ago.

I was left alone once again. The cycle continues, me being left alone with Ed. Zairen left, now Sahya left. I wonder who's gonna be next. Eitherways it feels as if life pushes me towards Edward so who really knows at this point?

I know one thing for sure, the moment I see that snake wandering about somewhere in the future, there will be no more respects for what she did to my brother.