Cartel│Mark Lee

Because of you

We were back at home. The car ride was silent on the way here. My eyes were held on Mark as he looked out the window for the whole ride. I didn't expect much from Mark after the meeting but he was unreadable. I thought the job I did was wrong, did I fail or upset him? We succeeded in the deal so I didn't understand why he had such a distant look on his face. I however was proud of myself deep down. I mentally praised myself on the composure I kept during the meeting. The way Johnny fell to my feet. It was exhilarating but somehow Marks lack of praise led me to doubt myself. Did he regret his big plan on bringing me here to help?

As soon as we got in through the doors he went right towards his office leaving me confused. I never understood him no matter how hard I tried. It was late now, the moonlight lit up my room and I changed into something more comfortable. I got into bed and stared at the ceiling. It was excruciating being alone sometimes. This big house added on to the feeling of emptiness I had, as it felt like it swallowed me whole. Tossing back and forth made my restlessness even worse. I looked at the clock on my nightside table. It was three am and I had no signs of sleeping. Because of this I went to go get a glass of water. As I walked through the halls I noticed Marks office light was still on. He was also awake. I sighed at this, he was already so tired. I decided to bring him a glass of water as well on my way up.

I peered through the crack of the door. He sat at the desk with his hands running through his hair as he looked at a piece of paper. He still had a look of stress written all over his face but something was different. He always seemed so tense and stuck up, ready for anything. But him being in his own space by himself, he seemed almost at peace. I knocked at the door, breaking him from his spell. I opened the door wide showing myself to him and smiled. He frowned at me, letting go of the papers in his hand. "Why are you up so late?" He asked. "I could ask you the same thing." I made my way to his desk and put the water down. I sat down across from him and took a sip of my water. "My mom always told me to drink water when you can't sleep." I smiled at the memory of her. The room went silent, although it was comfortable. "You did well today Vanessa." He said it so genuinely I almost believed him, but it still seemed like he was hiding something under his tone.  "You really think so?" I asked to which he nodded in response. "Then why do you looked so disappointed if your plan is on track?" To that question he sighed.

"Johnny was right. My dad would have been disappointed in this plan." He gave me a half smile. I didn't press on the issue. I knew it wasn't my place to pry onto Marks clearly open wounds. He seemed damage and I couldn't blame him from the stories I heard about his father, the man in charge before he died in a shooting. In the stories he was a very violent and proud man. I assumed Mark grew up terrified of letting his old man down. "Do you do anything else besides." I paused. "working." He gave me a little smile, resting his head on his hand. "I had to grow up at some point. I had to take over the business. Times where I could live carefree are over." 

"Carefree Mark, like when we met?" I asked him although I already knew the answer. When I met Mark for the first time outside of a bar he was different. He had a boyish feel to him and he was always getting in stupid trouble with the press.  "Exactly. When I met you I was just bailed out of jail for the third time." He laughed in reminices. When I met Mark he was carfree, living off his father's money and running the streets downtown. I haven't seen Mark genuinely happy since I first saw him. The schemes he made in his head were not just for fun anymore, they were for work. "I'm in charge now, that all ended when my father died." His words were quiet. "It didn't need to be like that, you could still be happy." He scoffed at my words, shaking his head. "With this life? Vanessa don't fool yourself, you wanted out of this cartel at one point remember? You're just distracted by everything." He looked at me intensely awaiting my reaction. I didn't have one though. I thought the money and power Mark held would make him the happiest man in the world. But as I re played his words in my head my positive thoughts on being so high up in this business crumbled down. 

Looking at Mark he almost looked broken, tired to the bone. I felt a little bit of sympathy towards him. The room stayed silent and Mark cleared his throat. "You were so innocent when I first met you. You've grown into the person I wanted you to be in this business but-" He paused with a look of disgust on his face. "Its reminding me of how toxic this life is. How I can make people into their worst selves." Mark was never this open with his feelings, I wondered why he was expressing his thoughts to me. I tilted my head at him. His words reminded me of how I was just a player in his game and that fueled a fire in my body. I was angry at him. I was angry about how he's used me, but I could see it bothered him that I was so good in this life. How he 'created' somewhat of a monster in me. He hated that. 

I couldn't bare myself to respond. I didn't know how to feel. I looked at Mark and grabbed one of his hands from across the table, stroking my thumb on the back of his hand. Although I didn't like the fact he used me to succeed in his game I still felt for him. I believed that deep inside Mark was a good person and he let me see a glimpse of that tonight. Because of Mark I was able to gain the confidence I never had and become a powerful women. Mark gave me a chance to live a luxurious life and I was thankful for that even under the circumstances. His eyes closed at my touch and he let out a sigh. It was almost like no one had ever comforted him before. My voice was soft and reassuring. "Mark, I can honestly tell you I am the best version of myself right now because of you."