Cartel│Mark Lee

I think I love you

"Come here." I sighed and brought Mark into the bathroom. I made him sit on the toilet seat and compile with my wishes. I looked at his face and frowned. He had blood stained on his checks and cuts all around his face and neck. It was a poor sight to see. "Let me help you first." He tried to stand up but I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back down. "Stop." Marks wounds were much worse compared to the mild scratches on my body. I grabbed a cloth and dampened it. He stared up at me with glossy eyes and I couldn't help but feel miserable in our current situation. I ran the cloth over his face to wipe up the blood. He winced at the contact and I stepped away. "Its okay." He grabbed my hand and pulled me back in. We were silent, as if unable to comprehend the situation we were just in. Haechan didn't kill Mark when he had the chance. I guess he knew I would have shot him if he took away Marks life in front of me. I was at least grateful for the fact Mark was still very much alive. 

Once the blood was cleared from his face I disinfected his cuts with alcohol. His jaw clenched at the burning sensation he felt. I blew air into his face to soothe the pain while my hands cupped his cheeks. "Are you okay?" I asked shyly. He almost grinned at my question despite the seriousness of it. "You should know by now a stunt like that wouldn't scare me." He lied to me with a light smile, hiding his real emotions. I saw the fear in his eyes when the knife was against his throat. He looked helpless for the first time in front of me. That thought alone was enough to make me break down. "The real question is if you are okay." I looked at him and the expression that his face held was pure concern. Mark did care about me, I knew he did. As much as he didnt want to show it at all I still saw it. As I looked down into his eyes I felt the intimacy we shared and I knew I couldn't lie to him. I was done with this act of confidence around him. "No. Im not okay." He let out a long breath and looked to the floor at my response. My hands fell from his face and I took a step back from him. My eyes welled up and I brought my hand up to my face to wipe the tears. 

He suddenly got up and grabbed my waist. He picked me up and sat me on the bathroom counter. He fit perfectly standing between my legs and we were now the same height. His eyes darted around my skin as he inspected my injuries. "I thought you were going to die Mark." My voice cracked as I tried to reach his eyes. He never looked up to me though. "Mark?" I cried and he stopped inspecting me. "I'm here nessa. I'm okay." He wiped away the tears that ran down my face and I shook my head. "You're not okay though. We're not okay." I stressed this fact to him but he ignored me. He ran his hand over the bruises that started to show on my arm. I pulled my arm away from him and looked away distressed. "I'm sorry." My eyes turned to him confused. "He's right, I wish I never brought you into this mess." Mark was sorrowful and I wondered why he was so regretful. "Why? Am I really not good enough? Do you want to please your dead father that much?" I felt like I got punched in the stomach as all the air left my body. I felt unwanted by the person I wished wanted me the most. "None of that is right." He wrapped his arms around me and put his face in my neck for comfort. I was confused and let my arms stay at their side, not moving an inch. "You would be happier if you could just leave right?" He mumbled into my skin and my body shivered. It wasn't true, I wouldn't be any happier. If I left I wouldn't have Mark with me. He was beyond wrong but I still said nothing, I didn't answer him. He lifted his head back up and faced me. "I just want you to be happy Vanessa. That all I really want." He sighed and I wiped away my last tear. "I'm sorry for bringing you into this life." 

"Don't say sorry for such trivial things Mark. It doesn't suit you and it doesn't matter now, I'm here and you're here. Were both alive. That's all the matters." My life was this way now, there was no changing it and I didnt want Mark to ever feel guilty over it. I gave him a slightly reassuring smile and he shook his head and chuckled. We were so close. Mark was still standing between my hanging legs from the counter. He leaned into me and I met him half way. Our lips interlocked and I felt the warmth he brought with the kiss. My legs wrapped around his back as if I could bring him into me any closer. I couldn't help but smile into the kiss as I thought about how I could feel so happy here even in this melancholy situation we were in. It was almost like I finally reached the surface of the water after drowning. I felt alive again. Mark made up for all the disasters I faced in this life. We broke away slowly and breathed in heavily. The room was quiet as we regained our composure.

He then turned his attention onto my small cuts. In silence I watched him with intent as he cleaned my scratches. He look disgusted by the view of me being hurt. He was gentle with me like I was the most fragile thing on earth. After he was done he stopped and looked at me. Our eye contact was so deep that my heart pounded faster. His fixation on me made my whole body feel weak. He smiled and ran his hand across my face, taking in every single one of my features one by one. "Do you remember when you asked me if i've ever loved anything?" His eyes were confident. Mark wasn't holding back his feelings toward me in this moment and I didnt even feel like he regretted one bit of it. I nodded in response as I fell into his intoxicating gaze. His eyes squinted at me like he was trying to solve a puzzle and I took In a shaky breath. "Well I think I do love something now." He paused and replaced his expression with a small smile. "I think I love you Vanessa."