Cartel│Mark Lee

What the hell are you on?

It was dark now. The sun had set many hours ago and I remained sitting soundly on a lounge chair. My eyes watched the clock as It ticked past one o'clock In the morning. Mark had yet to return from the meeting and I couldn't help but be concerned. Mark was never one to overstay his welcome and voluntarily stay at a public event for fun. I let out a huff as a maid brought me a warm tea. "Miss, you should go to bed it is late." She looked at me with sympathy in her eyes and I brushed her off. "I appreciate your concern, but I will wait for Mark." I took a sip of the warm liquid and gave her back the mug. "I wouldn't be expecting him anytime soon." She mumbled and I looked at her confused.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, not knowing why she would have any idea of his whereabouts. "You missed a lot when you were away Miss. Well what I mean is that Mr. Lee is-" She paused and sighed, almost like she was scared to say the next part of her sentence. "Different." She continued and I raised my eyebrows at her. Although I pried her for answers she finally realized she was in no place to talk about Mark in this way. She bowed her head to me before she left the room and told me to sleep well. My mind was left with wandering thoughts about what she meant and I couldn't help but be confused. 

After more agonizing moments I heard the front door creak open slowly. I quickly jumped out of my seat and made my way to the front foyer, knowing Mark was now home. He stumbled inside and slammed the door shut. I loopy smile rested on his lips as he turned around to look at me. "Mark?" I whispered as I looked at his disordered body. "I didn't think you would be up this late nessa." He laughed and wobbled towards me. I was frozen in my place as I watched him approach me. He wasn't drunk. I've seen Mark drunk many times before and this was not him. The man in front of me was clearly high on something. "The meeting went very well. They agreed with my plans and we even had some time to bond." Mark giggled at his words and grabbed my arm harshly. I pulled away from him and he frowned. 

"What's wrong baby?" He sulked and I couldn't help the disgust I felt for him in that moment. His eyes left mine as he stared at the high ceiling in amazement. "What the hell are you on?" I spat at him. My words broke him out of his trance as he returned to be stone cold. "I don't know what your talking about." He tried to brush past me but I stopped him with my hand. "Jaehyun was right." I whispered to myself as tears brimmed my eyes. "You let me lose someone who actually cared about me because of your pride. You just didn't want me to know about this." I could not bare to look at this stranger in front of me. It finally added up, Marks actions lately, The maids words and Jaehyuns so called 'rumor.' I scoffed at my cowardness. Deep down I always knew what was happening, but I was just scared to confront it. 

"I told you about my past with drugs. You listened to my story and still went behind my back." I closed my eyes and shook my head. Mark was fuming from my words. "You don't know what you're talking about Vanessa." His jaw clenched as he looked at me in disgust. "Oh, I don't? Well please enlighten me then Mark!" I sarcastically said as I took a few steps away from him. He took in a sharp inhale before closing his mouth shut. He had nothing to say. "You really lied to me about this." I bit my lip, trying to cover up the emotion taking over my face. "I never lied to you. I just never told you." His words tailed off and I watched him with distaste. "I should've believed Jaehyun. The one honest person with me in my life!" I yelled and Mark's face got red. "I always try to have the utmost trust in you, but you let me down and hide things from me! It's not fair." I began to cry.

Mark was a monster in my eyes at this moment. He represented everything I hated and I couldnt help but push him away as he tried to get closer to me. "If you think that highly of Jaehyun over me you might as well just go to him!" Mark yelled and walked to the front door. He opened the door and a large gust of wind wafted in, making a chill run down my spine. "Maybe I should!" I screamed as tears ran down my face. "He would understand me. He would always put me first before himself. He would care about me." I cried and stared at the ground. It was almost like life was full circle. I lost the people I cared about the most in the world to drugs and now I felt like Mark was slipping from my fingers the same way they did. He slammed the door shut in rage and the room fell silent. All that could be heard was the heavy sound of Mark's breathing. 

"You're not even sorry." I peered at him as he looked at me. His eyes were distant and I felt like he didn't even hear me. He was so out of it that I could have been having this conversation with nobody at all. "You don't even care." I whispered and wiped away the remaining tears on my face. "Vanessa. I know you are upset but we will get through this." Mark slumped down to the floor and brought his hands up to his face, rubbing it. I scoffed at his words in astonishment. He believed I was just upset by this little incident. I felt like Mark betrayed me. I felt like I was just his pawn again and that I didn't matter to him at all. I felt so small looking at Mark on the floor. Although he was the one fleeing to the ground, I was the one who felt the most weak.

"I know we will get through this because I love you and you love me." Mark dragged out his words and my lips parted. Mark and I had yet to say I love you to each other since I got back. It was an underlying topic we had yet to discuss. I thought I realized Mark loved me while I was gone but now, looking at him like this, I couldn't be too sure. "Are you sure we love each other Mark? Or did we just get too attached after what we've been through together." My voice was so low, it was almost a whisper. He raised his head and looked at me confused. "Let's not talk about this now. I can't." He began to lay down on the wood floor and I couldn't believe my eyes. "You don't want to talk about this because you are too messed up to even think straight right now!" I put my arms up in defeat. "Mark you're on drugs and just said you loved me for the first time since i've been back! Does that not disturb you or even make you think a little bit?" I yelled and got no response from him. 

Mark had never even heard me utter the words 'I love you' to him. As his eyes fluttered shut on the ground I stared at him with tears in my eyes. I was suddenly brought back to my childhood as I remembered a situation much similar to this one with my parents. I wanted to scream but nothing came out of my mouth. "Miss." The same maid appeared in the foyer. Her face held sympathy as she looked around at the situation. She wrapped a blanket around me as I stayed still in my spot, looking at Mark deeply. "Don't be alarmed sweetheart. He has done this before. He is fine. Mr. Lee just needs some sleep." She grabbed my shoulders and dragged me away from the foyer. As she led me to my room I stayed quiet with silent tears running down my face. "I want a car and a driver ready for me if I ever need it. Mark shall never know I asked for this either. Okay?" I said quietly and she nodded her head. "Who knows, I might need to run into someone else's arms soon."