33- don't go

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cracked.

his very essence cracked. crumbled.

there was nothing.

nothing but the pain that spiralled through him, rendering him useless, leaving him broken and winded on the floor. he slipped from park's grasp, knees colliding with hard wood as his heart split itself in two, ripping apart, breaking.

no air reached his lungs as he wailed for joey.
he was lost in a whirlwind of grief, unable to think of anything but joey.

joey.
his brother.
the brother he had ditched the moment things got tough.

the brother who had died.

overwhelmed.

gasping.

crying.

and the next thing he knew he was watching youngjae sobbing opposite him, big heavy tears dripping down his face. he had no right to cry.

where was he when mark and joey were suffering? when their very lives were being pulled apart piece by piece? he was fucking minhee, pretending to love mark and then screwing someone else.

he had no right to cry.
but he was, stifled wails, a wet face.

bambam wrapped himself around mark's shaking shoulders, eyes glazed, mouth drawn into a pressed line as he pulled mark close to him. he felt mark's heart rate, noticed how it beat out of time and much too fast. mark could only whimper.

this couldn't be real.

joey couldn't be dead.

jackson was whispering in a corner with park and mark saw how park's eyes twisted into darkness. the story had been translated, now park knew what had happened.

an indescribable feeling worked it's way into mark's gut as he stared at park, whose hands hung shaking by his side. park's face crumpled as they made eye contact and he too rushed to mark, joining bambam.

"i'm so sorry." he whispered, voice cracking as he scanned mark's tear stained eyes.

mark looked away, he couldn't form a single word, not without a fear that it would only lead to him sobbing harder.

youngjae moved over to him, wiping his own tears, "m-mark." he stuttered, "will you come... back to america with me?"

mark shook his head silently.

"but joe-"

"he said no!" this from park, who was glaring at youngjae, eyes practically burning holes into the stranger's skin. youngjae cowered away and mark almost smiled, enjoying how someone other than him was scared of park.

"he has to come, he-"

"what did i just fucking say?"

as much as mark appreciated park sticking up for him, he was quickly changing his mind on the matter, deciding that going with youngjae and speaking at joey's funeral was his last chance to be selfless, to do something for his poor brother. so, with a carefully placed eye on the bristling park, he spoke up, "i-i'll come... youngjae... i'll go to a-america."

just the simple thought of going back to the hell he had miraculously escaped sent chills creeping down his spine. but he wouldn't back out, he had to go.

park sighed angrily, whispering in mark's ear, "you don't have to listen to him. stay."

"n-no.. i-i-"

"-you're staying right here mark." park spoke with such a scary firmness that mark was shocked into silence as he turned back to youngjae, "he's staying with me."

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