34- aftermath

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for the longest time, mark and jinyoung had spoken about anything but what had just happened, about films and food and "how the hell does sign language work?". they talked and laughed and smiled at each other in ways surely reserved for the 'more than friends' relationship.

but after a while, they had no choice but to discuss what would happen the next day. park had brought it up gently, watching mark with a wary eye as he said, "i think.. you should talk about it."

"about what?" mark responded, not noticing how concerned park looked, how he had placed a comforting hand on mark's knee.

park sighed, "about joey. about america. about youngjae?"

"o-oh right... i'd prefer to just forget about it until tomorrow.. y'know?"

"mark you shouldn't keep things like this bottled up."

mark's eyes immediately flickered with fresh tears as he felt a lump grew at the back of his throat, tasting lightly of blood. he shuddered and cast a cautious look over to park, watching as he stared right at him, unwavering. it wasn't that mark didn't want to talk about it, if he were to talk to anyone about joey it would be park, it was just that he couldn't. there was no way he could even think of joey without crying. so he stayed silent.

"please." park said, after a while of mark's silence, "talk to me."

"i-i can't..."

"why? do you have a problem with me?"

mark laughed lightly, though it was lacking of any humour, "no. i have the opposite of a problem with you. i just- i can't talk about him."

"so let's start with youngjae," park shrugged, trying not to take mark's reluctance to heart (which proved to be very hard), "how'd you two get together?"

mark seemed to think for a while before responding, "... we had been best friends for a while... but.. but i guess there was always something a little... extra there. one day, i was round at his house and he just- kissed me. and that was that."

park smiled coyly, "just a sudden kiss? and then you were dating?"

mark nodded, eyes cast at the floor.

"so... like this?"

"wha- like how-"

it was all very sudden. one minute they were sat on opposite sides of mark's mattress, the next park was pulling mark to his lips, a gentle calloused hand brushing against mark's cheek. their lips smashed together as mark let out a startled gasp. park laughed into the kiss, deepening it and pulling mark closer, rougher this time as they pulsed against each other.

mark, still startled, let park lead the kiss, allowing the younger's tongue to flit into his own mouth as they tumbled onto the mattress. park's arms were suddenly everywhere on mark's body, running up and down his torso and arms. mark picked one of the arms up and placed it on his own heart, so park could feel his quickened heartbeat. their passion accelerated.

after a while, they stopped kissing, but remained close together, breathing in sync, deep and heavy.

"you didn't answer my question." park stumbled out lowly between his gasping breaths.

"what question?" mark asked, looking up at park from where he was laying in the crook of his shoulder.

park chuckled, "was that how youngjae did it?"

"jinyoung." mark said, "that was way better than youngjae."

a grin spread across park's face, "you called me jinyoung."

"no more park, not after that."

they lay in silence for a while, content, enjoying the simple fact that they were together, and that at last, they had kissed properly. but then jinyoung spoke up, "so.. tell me about joey. what was he like? how do you... how do you feel?"

mark didn't feel nearly as horrible as he had expected, maybe that had been jinyoung's plan the whole time- to give him something good so he wouldn't feel as sad. still, his stomach sunk as images of joey flashed through his mind, a highlight reel of his brother and everything he had lost.

"he was... innocent. he liked to think the world was good y'know? and then... everything happened with my mum and i guess- he just.. he couldn't fathom that the world could be so shitty."

jinyoung nodded, "the world is shitty,"

"yeah.. yeah it is. especially for him. he had to go through everything i did.. but he wasn't 18.. he wasn't.. strong enough for any of it. he was just a kid but he had to see his mum die, his dad become a depressed alcoholic and his brother... his brother just left him to rot alone."

"mark-"

"it's the truth. i told you- i just skipped to youngjae's house when things got tough." mark scoffed, "he was my lifeline. and then he fucking cheated on me."

jinyoung's eyes flashed with something that mark couldn't quite place, frustration perhaps, but the sigh he let out was enough to show that he wasn't happy, "so why are you going with him? if he's such a dickhead, why are you listening to a word he's saying?"

"for joey." mark whispered, "god i don't want to see youngjae ever again, but i have to go...i-"

"please don't. don't leave me."

"jinyoung..."

"you can just stay here and we can.. kiss and you don't have to leave... we can.. we can..."

mark's shoulders sagged, "it's only a week."

"i know.. do you really have to go?"

"yes." mark sounded so sure of himself, definitely more sure than how he felt inside. in reality, he had no idea if he was making the right choice. he sure as hell didn't want to go anywhere with youngjae, and he had hoped to never set foot on american soil again. but joey.. he had to go for joey, "yes i have to go."

and then he started crying.

jinyoung pulled him closer, sighing deeply as hot tears ran fast down mark's face, "it's okay.." he whispered in mark's ear, "it's gonna be okay..'

"b-but joey.. h-he's really... really dea-"

"shhh." jinyoung silenced him before he could say the last word, his hand rubbing a circle on mark's forearm, "shh mark. you'll be okay."

mark could only sob in response.

"america will go by in a flash and then.. then you can forget about everything yeah? we'll keep saving for that apartment, we can.. maybe we can go on a real date or something?"

mark nodded blearily, "i-i'd like that."

"great.. great.." jinyoung stumbled over his words, "see? the minute this week is over we can go back to normal- forget about everything and..."

"it'll be okay right?" mark's voice shook.

"of course." jinyoung smiled gently, "of course it'll be okay.."

mark smiled back, running a hand over jinyoung's cheek softly and then quickly pressing his lips onto the man's own.

"we can do so much together." he said, voice quiet but holding a sort of happiness that jinyoung was more than glad to hear.

"oh yeah?" he laughed, "like what?"

"hmm... i'll write a list tomorrow." mark said, wiping the last of his tears from his ruddy cheeks and snuggling down into jinyoung's arm, "for now.. let's just sleep."

"okay yeah.. let's sleep."

we love soft markjin in this household... will it last long? hmm.. am i known for my happy endings? absolutely not.

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