45- gamechanger

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life became so painful.

for mark, for bambam, for yugyeom.

each day was tainted with such sadness and lonliness that sometimes, mark struggled to get out of bed at all. of course he had to, to go to work, to pull bambam out of the darkness of his quiet room and into the sunshine.

it was hard to get bambam to open a window in the room, let alone outside- but it was somewhat of a mission for mark, at least it gave him something to do. he'd drag bambam from his bed and take him for a walk, just around the courtyard and back. tears always stood stagnant in the younger's eyes. they never fell.

yugyeom was no better, wandering the halls like a ghost, pale and sickly. his eyes were sunken and hands still hadn't stopped shaking. a week after jackson left, he had had a run in with a blue, got a stab wound in his side, it had almost gotten infected.

it was weird, not having jackson there to get furious about it, or jinyoung to come up with a plan on what to do next. they were lost, 3 people with no clue how to survive without their leader.

on top of that, on top of their clear incapability, mark worsened by the day. he found himself drifting away from reality, his body controlling itself, the world seeming like it was behind a wall of glass. almost like everything was just out of reach. his brain and his body had become separate, his body forcing itself away from the pain and sadness swirling around in his head.

at times it was overwhelmingly awful, at others it was just a dull aching throb in the background. but it was always there. he always thought about jinyoung, his heart still felt broken.

instead of disappearing, or healing, it only got worse. the emotions strengthened, and things set in. when jackson had first told him jinyoung had left, he didn't believe it for a second- or he told himself he didn't believe it.

when jackson left, he convinced himself that he would come back, and that he'd bring jinyoung with him.

but a month passed, with nothing but crickets. they were both well and truly gone.

that's when mark deteriorated, or, at least, that's when the sadness increased in volume until it cascaded down on him at such a velocity that he could think of nothing else. he and bambam would sit in the dark of night, arms wrapped tightly around each other.

neither could sleep.

every minute, every second of every day was aching and exhausting.

at work, mark barely kept awake, eyelids fluttering closed every few seconds. still, he arrived every morning at 5am just as he was supposed to, desperate to make up the money that jinyoung had taken from them.

he still wanted to leave wingate, of course he did. it was full of shadows of his past, full of reminders that jinyoung had been there once, and that now he wasn't. the blood stain, from when jaebeom had stabbed jinyoung before taking jackson hostage was still there. jinyoung's apartment was still there.

everything was still there.

the weeks turned to months, and still mark worked. wheein tried talking to him a few times, even tried to get him to try counselling. but he shrugged her away, he didn't want her sympathy.

and then. and then she changed everything.

the day started pretty ordinarily, mark woke up, woke bambam up, woke yugyeom up and then headed to work. nothing was different, but it was the day that everything changed.

mark entered the estate agent's, bell tinkling above him. wheein looked up from the stack of papers she was sifting through, a familiar look of concern clouding behind her eyes.

"hey mark." she smiled, that same fake smile. mark hadn't seen it for a while, up until jinyoung left- and then it appeared all the time.

"morning." mark said in return, and he expected that to be the last of their interactions for the day. usually it was.

but unusually, wheein sidled up to his desk, something clutched behind her back.

"mark." she said, revealing what she held, "i want you to take this."

in her palm was a wad of notes, of won. at least 20 million rested there, stacked up high, secured by a rubber band. mark's eyes widened as she held it out towards him.

that amount of money could change everything, could get him out of wingate. he wanted to take it, but knew he couldn't, knew that wheein certainly wasn't well off. no doubt she would need that money herself.

"i can't." mark whispered, pushing it back towards her, "that's too much."

"no. listen to me, i want you to take this and whatever savings you have, and i want you to get out of wingate ok?"

again mark shook his head, "wheein... i can't..."

"i want you to take it mark. so you're gonna take it. and then i'll help you find a place to rent. i can see what that estate is doing to you, you're falling apart. i am watching you literally fall apart. so just accept the money, please. i want to help you."

mark couldn't understand why she would want to help him, they were simply coworkers, never had been anything more. it was strange that she was giving him so much, when they had hardly spoken at all.

but she seemed certain in her decision, and so slowly, mark reached out and took the money from her. she smiled carefully.

"thanks." mark said and she nodded.

"just please... leave it all behind you."

within the week, mark moved out.

a/n

two or three more chapters my lovely peopleeee

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