Home, sweet, home. Not! (Outsiders FF)

I'm not Okay

After six months of 'living in Jersey' and not talking to my family with Dal, spending his days at my brothers house. I stay locked away in my room crying. He always tries to come in but, I just tell him to leave me alone. I don't eat or do anything. There's no point of even living anymore. It's been months since I left and I can feel myself slowly giving up. I know starving myself is killing me, I know slicing up my wrist is killing me but, I'v lost everything and Dally will get over me it's no big deal. I'm going to die. I look down at a piece of paper and write, "hey, Dal. I love you but, I hate myself right now. I know you know this but I'm not ok. I think I'm going to die, I mean I'm slowly killing myself, so I'm going to do it now. It's better, I'm not good for you Dal. Find a good girl that makes you happy instead of me. Please, get over me move on and let yourself be happy but, I'm not. Oh Dal, I love you so much babe and I wish I could say I'm happy but, I'm not. My life is hopeless and I can't bring you down with me. I love you with all my heart but, goodbye. Please, Dal move on, find love in another, have a family, smile, and find that special girl to put a ring on her finger 'cause it's not me. I'm not special enough and this is my goodbye. I can't take it no more Dally. I'm wishing my life away. Since that one night nothing has been the same. Goodbye Dallas Winston, goodbye my love. Please, don't forget to remember me." I slip off the ring he gave me sliding it onto the page at this point there are tears rolling down my face. I walk into the bathroom looking at my frail, reflection. You can tell I'm to skinny, my hair is in a messy bun, there are cuts all over my wrists, there are bags under my eyes, my make-up is running down my face, my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, I whisper to myself, "goodbye Basil Leaf Curtis."

I walk out of the house in a daze and walk all the way to the DX knowing Soda and especially Steve won't recognize me. I walk in there and grab a bottle of over the counter pills, the cashier is Sandy. "One bottle of Advil please," I say with attitude

"One dollar please," she says coldly.

"Whatever," I roll my blood shot eyes. I walk out of the door trying to open the bottle of pills when Dal walks into me. He recognizes me immediately and yells, "oh my god Basil you're out of your room!"

I look up to him tears rolling down my eyes, I don't say a thing just keep trying to open the bottle. I finally get it open, I dump the bottle into my hand and go to throw it in my mouth but, Dal stops me knocking all the pills out of my hand as they go all over the ground. I look at him now sobbing and yell, "WHAT DID YOU DO!" At this point I was on the ground crying. Soda and Steve come rushing out to see the perfect scene. I'm on the floor crying, trying to pick up pills and Dally is trying to help me by calming me down, "Basil, shh you're okay baby girl. Dally's here sweet sweet Basil. Soda's here, Steve's here and we're all here to help you."

"I want to die," I sob.

"Oh no please," I hear Soda whisper.

Soda's P.O.V.

I hear Dally yell the impossible, "oh my god Basil you're out of your room!" She isn't even in Tulsa.

The thing  is I know I here a familiar voice yell obviously crying, "WHAT DID YOU DO!"

I turn to Steve and we both rush over to see a crying collapsed broken Basil with Dally trying to comfort. She looks up at me and I see how weak she is in her eyes. This is all my fault I've broken my sister. I let Dal keep talking her through it, "Basil, shh you're okay baby girl. Dally's here sweet sweet Basil. Soda's here, Steve's here and we're all here to help you."

She looks up and sobs, "I want to die,"

I whisper quietly so she doesn't hear me, "Oh no please,"

"Go get her sleeping pills," Dally commands. I do as he says I know we're going to have to hospitalize her. I look over to her and pop three pills into her mouth she takes them and even asks for more. I rush her to the hospital knowing when she wakes up everything is going to crash.