To Heal A Lonely Heart

The Goddess' Gift

When I woke up the next morning, the bed was empty and cold, no sign of Geralt to be seen. He had left in the early morning hours. I wish he had woken me, so I could have kissed him goodbye and wished him luck.

I stretched, letting my fingers fell the sheets, with my eyes still closed. My fingers grazed something and I opened my eyes. On Geralt's pillow lay a piece parchment.

'My love, by the time you're reading this, I'll be gone. Just know that I love you with all my heart and will try to return to you as quick as I can. I didn't want to wake you, please forgive me for that, but you looked so beautiful and at peace, I didn't want to take that from you. I love you, Nienna.' It read.

I smiled and wiped a tear from my eyes. Who would have thought that this mountain of a man, trained – no, made – to kill, would be such a softie?

Softly, I pressed my lips to a slightly wrinkled spot of the parchment, meaning his lips had touched it before.

Then I got out of bed and went on with my day as usual, doing laundry, taking care of the animals, tending to our garden, stocking up my potions. As always, the coming weeks, I kept myself busy, visited the village, and – thank the gods – ran into Jaskier again.

He stayed for a while, kept my mind off worrying about Geralt. We often sat in the meadow in front of the house, enjoying the warmth of the setting summer sun. It was one evening like this when I discovered that the young, and often a little foolish seeming bard, was actually highly educated and very intelligent. He told me stories that happened long before even my birth.

"How do you know all that?" I asked him, when he told me about some great war that happened good four hundred years ago. "That happened long before I was born! Even my mother only knew little about it from her enders."

"I, uh, I studied it. At the University of Oxenfurt. You know... you can't study arts without knowing about history, or so I've been told."

"You studied?!" I asked, even more surprised.

"Uh-huh," Jaskier nodded, and with a smirk he added, "And not to shock you even more, but 'Jaskier' isn't my real name... but why are you so surprised? I thought you could read minds!"

"I can't read minds. I can read thoughts, current thoughts... And... what's your real name then?"

I felt like an extremely bad friend at that moment. I knew almost nothing about the bard. We rarely – or never – talked about our past, mostly because I was still fighting against tears every time I told someone about mine. All Jaskier knew about my past is that I was half elf, grew up in Dol Blathanna and the story of how Geralt and I met. But I knew so much less about the bard.

"Well then," he announced, standing up and bowing in front of me reaching out a hand for me to take, "My lady, very pleased to meet you. Let me introduce myself, I am Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove," he said, pretending to press a kiss to the back of my hand.

I ripped my hand out of his – not in a rude way, but in surprise.

"You're nobility?" I was shocked, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"It wasn't important," he shrugged, "I went by my nickname for a long time before we met. And my title would have meant shit to Geralt anyway, so why bother? All I wanted back then was to travel with a Witcher... to perform... titles would have only been in the way."

Jaskier told me about his childhood in the following days and – I was so thankful for that – never pried in mine. He would tell me one funny story after the other, and honestly, I felt sorry for his parents – this man has had a habit for getting into trouble ever since his birth, it seemed. But soon enough, he left to make some coin. He promised to come back soon, though.

It had been four weeks since Geralt – and two since Jaskier – left, and I noticed small changes of my body. First of all, I didn't bleed that month. I always had been irregular, but I've never been late like this. Few weeks later, I woke up nauseous. It got so bad that I slept with a bucket next to my bed, now. And yes, I slept. Usually, when Geralt was away and I was all alone, I stayed up all night, either baking something or brewing potions. But now, I was always tired, the work around the house exhausting.

It didn't take me long to realize that Melitele had finally granted me her blessing. I was pregnant! There was a child growing inside me! Finally!

I was overjoyed. We had finally made it! But at the same time, I was terrified. Was our life really this unfit for a child? Was it a mistake, and would our child's life be terrible? Certainly not; Geralt and I would do everything to keep our child safe, I knew that!

Geralt... I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him so bad. And I really needed him here right now. But he could be half way across the Continent for all I knew, and what he did was important.

I felt alone, more than usual, except that I wasn't. I had this little precious life growing inside me.

I smiled. I couldn't stop it. Apart from when the morning sickness brought tears to my eyes, I smiled the whole day through. Now I understood why people told a pregnant woman she was glowing.

Days passed, and then weeks, and still no sign of Geralt. I spent most of my time that I wasn't working with Shadow and Daisy. Both of them missed their friend just as much as I missed my husband. I was pretty sure they knew what was happening to my body, because Shadow kept her snout against my belly whenever I was close enough.

There were times when I would sit in the tall grass of the large paddock, Shadow lying next to me with her head resting in my lap, while Daisy stood on my other side with her head on my shoulder. I may or may not have slept a night on the paddock with them.

Not long, and I heard a tiny heartbeat coming from out of my belly. There was a tiny bump now; barely visible under me loose dresses, but I saw it. No morning passed that I didn't thank Great Melitele for her gift, and not a morning that I didn't curse her when I emptied my stomach into the bucket next to my bed.