Don't Forget You're Mine || Jerrie

Alternate Ending

February 14, 2016

It is the middle of the night, and Jade is still awake for no reason. She spent a lovely Valentine’s with Jed, making breakfast together, watching a couple of movies and going out for dinner in the evening. She did not forget about Perrie, either, and promised that they would spend another day together, it's just that Jed is flying out to America soon, and she had to spend today with him.

There is no reason for Jade to feel bad like she does right now. Perrie understands her situation, and is not angry at all. Jed still has no idea just how close Jade and Perrie are, and he seemed satisfied with today.

Jade turns so that she is facing Jed as they are both lying in bed. In the nights they have spent together, they have always fallen asleep with his arms around her, but woke up on opposite sides of the bed. This physical distance is not something that is created consciously, as they are both usually asleep, but just like anything else, Jade has one other person she compares it to; Perrie.

All she knows is that when she sleeps in the same bed as Perrie, they spend the whole night cuddling more into each other, enjoying every point of contact that connects their bodies. Jade would never willingly let go of Perrie, because she always wants more of her. That is a silly thought, of course, because they work together, and see each other everyday, and text all the time, and have made countless promises over the years to never leave. Jade misses Perrie the moment she steps out of her sight, and gets worried during those ten minutes when Perrie stops replying to her texts when they're in the midst of a conversation, even though her phone simply lost connection. Jade could spend all day staring at Perrie during even the simplest actions - cooking, singing, eating, watching TV and sleeping. She finds everything about her mesmerizing, and could listen to her talk forever.

Then there is Jed, who is about to leave for a year abroad, maybe with a couple of short vacations every now and then. Jade is not happy that he is leaving, she will miss him as a friend, but she is not sad either. She can see the advantages of it. Perrie and her will get to be with each other as much as they want, and what's out of sight is out of mind. She will not feel as guilty as she does now about being with Perrie, too.

Just like that, it hits Jade. This is not the life she wants to live. She doesn't want to spend her nights with the woman she loves, and her days dreading the time when her man will come home. She doesn't want to be so worried all the time, so scared, and always feel as though she is giving up on the best thing that's ever been hers. None of these issues will be truly resolved if things stayed as they are right now, neither if she breaks up with Perrie and stays loyal to Jed.

Jade asks herself whether she will ever be happy with Jed. She tries to imagine her life ten years from now, supposedly married to him and seriously planning their life together, as a couple and as a future family. Jade really does try her best, but she cannot bring herself to picture anything like that. Up until last year, she knew exactly what she wanted her future to be like. She always pictured a man that she loves despite his struggles, and a couple of cheerful kids that she probably will always feel bad for spending less time with them than she would have liked. This fantasy subconsciously changed when her friendship with Perrie turned into something more.

Now, it's Perrie that she sees in her head. It's like there is not even an element of choice here; being with Perrie makes no sense, but one thing Jade understands now, is that no one asked her who she would rather fall for. She would have chosen an easy life with Jed over anything else, but she was never given a choice in the first place. Every effort she is making to avoid her feelings for Perrie, and will make in the future, is useless. The only opportunity she was ever given to choose is whether she wants to live her life feeling like she is wasting every day, or like she is living every moment to its fullest. When she puts it down like that, it's the easiest choice she has ever had to make.