Guard the Heart

Kabanata 46

KABANATA 46

Cold

"Santi, umalis na muna tayo," sabi sa akin ni Alstheur habang hinihila na ako paalis.

"No!" Nagmatigas ako.

I refuse to leave. Pagod na ako sa ganito. It is like I am played again. A clueless foolish girl na wala na namang alam sa nangyayari! Na mahihilo na naman ako sa kakahula kung ano ang nangyayari because everyone refuses to tell what is going on.

"Why am I being blamed for what he did sa sarili niya? Why would he try to end his life because of me? After what he did to me? Ano 'yon, joke? Are you fucking kidding me?" Pakiramdam ko mababaliw na ako.

"Ano, hindi na naman kayo magsasalita? Mananahimik na naman kayo?" frustrated kong bwelta.

I saw the pressure in their eyes. It's like they are struggling too, na hindi lang ako ang nahihirapan dito. But it doesn't make sense to me. Mahirap bang sabihin ang totoo? I don't get why they are doing this to me.

"Shut up, Santina!" Si Kylie, she's laughing like she enjoys everyone's misery.

"Ikaw ang tumahimik, Kylie! Because right now, I badly want to pull your hair." This isn't just an empty threat.

I don't keep grudges but with the pain and the frustration I am feeling right now, hindi ko maiwasang magdamdam. Ang sama ng loob ko para sa kanila noon, nagbabalik na. Every pain in the past came back like the waves in the sea. It's like it was just pushed back and now it's here again, nagging in my chest.

"O baka naman may alam ka, Emanuelle?" I turned to her.

Based on her expression, she knows something. Hindi ko siya kilala but I've got a feeling. Hindi ba ay girlfriend siya ni Juancho?

"Come on, speak up now. Ginulo niyo na lang din ang buhay ko, bakit hindi niyo pa sagarin?"

Fuck this! I have never been this furious all my life.

"S-Santi, we are not in the right place to say this," ani Rufus.

I smirked ang shook my head. "Bullshit! I can't believe this!"

"Santi, let's go," muling pagpupumilit ni Als at pati na ni Lucky.

I still have no clear idea how the fuck Juancho learned about Satheryn, but damn, I am bombarded with a lot of questions in my head. I still have to deal with this shit.

Paanong kasalanan ko pa ang nangyari sa kanya? In the very first place, I was the victim.

"Just tell her," malumanay na turan ni Emanuelle.

So she knows something, huh.

"Damn. This is fucking messed up!" Dacer cursed and hastily raked his hair using his fingers.

At kahit si Kylie naman ang nagbukas nito, ngayon ay pati siya nalilito na. She has this questioning look, para bang kulang ang impormasyong alam niya.

"Tell me or we won't be done!" desidido kong sabi. I'm done being the naïve and vulnerable Santina! Tangina.

Huminga nang malalim si Lourd at hinilot ang sentido bago bumaling sa akin. Umigting ang panga niya at bahagya nang nakakunot ang noo.

"This should not be coming from me, but with Juancho's case right now, I guess we are left with no choice," aniya.

Pumikit ako nang mariin. Finally!

"Remember when I told you he didn't mean to hurt you?"

Tumaas ang kilay ko pero nanatiling tikom ang bibig, anticipating his every word.