RETROGRADE; minsung ✓

❯ 𝟷𝟽

📟

i didn't know what date it was, how many days passed by, nor do i know how long i have been dwelling on my feelings after what happened.
i was balled up in the corner of my bed, looking at the view from my window with only the moonlight my only source of light.

i wrapped the blanket around me with weak and shaking hands. i'm cold.
i leaned my head on the window, noticing the bandages i have on my cheek, forehead and wrist as i hugged my knees. i sighed for the millionth time, i felt a hollow pain inside my chest and it wouldn't let me breathe, i wanted to move but i just can't bring myself to do it.

i heard a knock on my door but i ignored it and kept staring at the city lights lost in my train of thoughts. chan hyung entered my room with a tray and sat on my bed, looking at me but i can't take myself to look at him.
"minho, how are you feeling?"
he asked softly and i shut my eyes close.
"why won't you let me die?"
i asked with so much heaviness.

chan hyung didn't say anything but i heard him sigh to himself.
"i'm sorry...."
i said sincerely.
"you got— everyone got in trouble because of me, you almost died because of me.... i'm just..... so sorry....."

"let's leave that in the past minho, you made a mistake because of reasons only you would know. but if you can't take in the pain anymore, please know i'll be here to listen to you. you've.... been through enough..... you deserve to be happy."
he told me and i hugged myself who was so frail and full of scars. chan hyung went in closer and hugged me while i cried.
"i'm so tired hyung..... i'm so bad...."
i choked in between muffled sobs, he didn't say anything but just held me and nodded his head.
"everyone i cared for..... everyone i loved.... they all just used and left me..... i'm so tired of being alone...."

"i'm here now minho."
he said and i could hear his voice crack a bit.
"i'm also.... tired of being alone...."

i pulled away and he watched me wipe my tears, i rested my hands in front of me seeing all bruises, scars and bandages i got. i was shaking but chan hyung held my hand.
"your life is yours, what do you really want to do?"
he asked and i stopped for a minute, letting myself reflect on my feelings for once.
what i really want to do?

"i want to stay here....."
i told him honestly.
"i want to protect people, i want to have friends, i want to train with seungmin, play video games with felix, i want to help you..... i want to be a good person..... i want to be..... a gem at heart."
soyeon, wherever you are, i hope you're proud of my decisions.

i'm slowly..... letting you go and growing up on my own.

chan hyung looked at me and smiled, ruffling my hair and for the first time in a while i found myself genuinely smiling.
"ah! i almost forgot!"
hyung said and pulled out a small deformed cake out a box from the tray he brought. he lit up the candle and i read the slightly messy icing on top.
happy 16th birthday minho hyung !! ♡

"did you forget your own birthday? and uh yeah, seungmin and felix made this so it's kinda— i don't know if it's edible."
chan hyung said embarrassed but i just laughed and took the cake. i closed my eyes and made a wish, blowing on the candle after. i placed the cake back to the tray and took a bite out of it. it's not THAT bad, i can taste the effort seungmin and felix put.

"my gift isn't much but, here."
chan hyung said as he gave a suit and a metal box.
"tomorrow, when you're ready. let's meet our boss."

i wouldn't say i fully broke off from my past, but as i placed on the uniform, placed the i.d on my blazer and looked at the mirror, i found myself staring at a boy yearning for acceptance and change.

maybe i am a good person, maybe i am bad. but one thing i know is that i'm already at home, and i'm staying here.

i'm not lonely.
i thought out to myself.
i have new people..... who accepts me for just being me.

i met up with chan hyung after getting off the jet plane, he stood waiting at the entrance of jyp's main building and complemented me on how i look, i grinned at him and nodded my head before going in the building.
we walked pass spies and other agents, towards the elevator up the meeting room where all jyp's board members were.

chan hyung and i walked side by side and stopped at the sliding doors, i took in a breath until the doors opened and we stepped in, everyone looked at our direction and i could feel the ceo's gaze upon me. i didn't feel intimidated, nor do i feel scared, i was bursting with confidence.
"welcome agent 1O25."
he smiled.

"lee know."

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𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 :  𝟷𝙾𝙾𝟿𝟸𝙾
minsung content finally starts at the next chapter !! :DD
i can't promise this story to be a happy one tho.