RETROGRADE; minsung ✓

❯ 𝟸𝟺

i found myself sitting by myself sitting beside the signal panels on top of skz's building which used to be my favorite place to be in when i was lonely. the place jisung spent his 16th birthday with me and we shared our first kiss.
i hugged my knees tighter and sighed to myself, seeing the stars covered up by clouds and the moon barely shining on my skin.

i'm not lonely.

i closed my eyes, letting my heart finally sink in and i tried to breathe through all that heaviness and pain.

the person who didn't make me feel lonely just gave up on me.
i tried to convince myself but badly failed.

i stood up from my place and looked out at the open sky, the city lights were underneath as if they were under my feet and i was flying, i closed my eyes, feeling the wind blow on me as i opened my arms breathing in the freedom i never had. i didn't know what happened, it felt like i just let my body be as it is and i didn't know i was already frail and numb but i was smiling.

"minho!"
i heard chan hyung yell as i was about to fall to my death but a virtual shield had caught me. i opened my eyes wide in shock at what i just did and my breathing came to an abrupt stop, the shield flew me back to the glass roof where chan hyung had pulled me into an embrace.
"you idiot! what were trying to do!?"
he yelled and hugged me tighter, i closed my eyes and found myself crying.

hyung's breathing slowed and caressed my hair.
"i'm still the same hyung....."
i said in muffled sobs.
"i know.... and that's okay...."
chan hyung let me cry as much as i'd like before he pulled us inside he building into his office.

"hello minho hyung!- hYUNG ARE YOU OKAY!? WHY WERE YOU CRYING!?"
jeongin leaped out of chan hyung's chair and ran to hug me, i smiled and hugged him back assuring i was okay.
"do want to talk about it?"
chan hyung asked worried but i shook my head, i was still overwhelmed, i don't know if i could handle opening up right now.
chan hyung and jeongin were supposed to go out today but sadly can't because of the mission so they decided to watch movies in hyung's office, i told them i was tired and unable to join, besides i didn't want to ruin their quality time.

i was on the way back into the apartment when i ran into changbin, his eyes widen when he looked at me and walked towards my direction.
".... what the hell happened to you hyung?"
i huffed a pout and flicked his forehead, he flinched and rubbed it.
"i'm fine, just tired."

"i'm here if you need me hyung."
he smiled and i smiled back at him before excusing myself to go back to my apartment.
i sighed, my breath heavy and full of heart wrenching pain.

i'm not lonely.
i shut my eyes, gripping my key card a bit too harshly that it left a mark on my palm. i had chan hyung, i had jeongin, i had changbin......
but why do i feel so alone?

📟

a month passed, almost three weeks after seungmin went missing, jisung changbin, felix, chan hyung, jeongin and i planned to help seungmin escape before jyp's agents attack him and hyunjin who we saved not too long ago. i haven't told hyunjin anything about his past encounter with me yet but it kept me wanting to protect the younger.
chan hyung only kept it to us since we were his trusted agents, even keeping it a secret from his own led on agency skz, we can't risk anyone knowing or else seungmin won't make it out safely.

i put on the uniform we duplicated after getting access to the information jeongin got us. i grabbed a backpack from the back of my closet and shoved in some books and other school supplies we bought the day before. i placed on my glasses, putting on the blazer, strapping the backpack on my shoulder before escaping through my apartment window where we would meet by the nearby public parking lot.