Good Omens Oneshots

19

~before armageddon~
Beelzebub had called in Crowley. This because they had seen him with Aziraphale and, although they certainly couldn't talk (they were with Gabriel after all, and did have some sense of fairness, although mostly that was Gabriel telling them to be fair) they did have to make his life just that little bit harder now to show that they did something if they were asked.

"Crowley," Beelzebub said, knowing they might enjoy annoying the demon.

"Lord Beelzebub, what can I help you with?" He said, obviously trying to force himself not to just leave, not that they would blame him, at least he had the option to.

"Would you mind telling me what you did to vacate zoulz for our lord Zatan in the eighteenth zentury?" They asked typically, dramatising the wording, making themselves sound serious and yet in a way that showed they didn't really care in the slightest.

"I, err..." he started, not sure what to say

"Yezzz?" They asked, trying to make this as difficult as possible, just because it looked like it would be the only form of entertainment for a while.

"I, um, slept."

"You zlept?!" Well this was certainly very interesting, and they would let Heaven have a thousand of Hell's souls if it meant they could sleep for a century.

"Er, yeah..." Crowley admitted sheepishly.

"Lucky." Beelzebub exclaimed quietly.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing, whatever, don't zleep for that long again, you are dizmizzzzed." They said buzzing more at the frustration of hardly ever getting to have the luxury of sleep. Crowley left, leaving Beelzebub staring at their paperwork, they had planned on annoying Crowley and it had backfired.

They sighed and took a piece of paper out of the pile reluctantly at random. They wondered whether it would pay off to be a normal demon that didn't have to worry about the sort of stuff they did. But then again, they could never get into trouble.

They could never get into trouble, no one was above them other than Satan himself. What would it matter if they gave more of the paperwork to Dagon, apart from the important-decision ones. They chewed their pen, but stopped after remembering how disgusting and filthy it was, and thought. They shrugged it off though because they knew Dagon was already as busy as them, and technically the rest of Hell could join forces and kill them permanently if they didn't do a good enough job.

They still weren't in the mood to do it so they miracled themselves a mobile phone and texted Gabriel for a while. Crowley just happened to walk back in.

"I think I left my sunglasses." He said, and Beelzebub realised he had taken them off during their short meeting. They just nodded, and gestured to where the dark glasses were. They carried on staring at the conversation between them and the Archangel. They didn't even notice when he failed to leave and looked over their shoulder. Rude.

"Who's that?" He asked, making them jump because they had been so engrossed in the screen.

"Why are you still here?!" They shouted, hiding the texts that had been sent and received.

"Was that-"

"Why the fuck are you still in my office?! Get out!" They shouted. He put up his hands defensively.

"It was wasn't it?"

"If you dare say a word I will tell everyone about that angel and have you discorporated with holy water!" They yelled, a little quieter so Dagon wouldn't hear. Crowley nodded solemnly, before leaving. Beelzebub just huffed and went back to texting.

A/N
Idk what this is, it's kind of pointless, but I have no ideas, so please send requests. Anyway thanks for reading. (Word count: 620)