Good Omens Oneshots

50 (IB)

"Need me to do any paperwork?" Dagon asked as she marched into the office. How they managed to get through so much paperwork and then help Beelzebub do some of their's was beyond them. Where did she get this time?

Beelzebub mumbled something. They had their head on the desk leaned in their arms, since they had given up trying to be awake. No demons needed sleep, but it was amazing. You could sleep, and the dreams would make you temporarily forget all the problems of Hell.

"K then." She said, cheerily, taking away one of the piles of paper. How was she always so cheery? It made no sense for a demon to be cheery, or jolly, but here she was, happy and chirpy like nothing in the world was wrong.

"You ok?" She was also caring where there was no need for care. Beelzebub sat up in her chair, and nodded.

"I hate paperwork." They said, waking up a bit from the little doze they had previously been enjoying, but not trying to be too obvious about it. Their flies started buzzing again, and it made the pair of demons realise that they hadn't been a minute ago. The buzzing was good; it supplied a background noise to stop awkward silences being too awkward, this wasn't awkward though.

"Me too." Dagon stated, although she seemed perfectly happy to do it. She glanced at her watch, "by the way, you have a meeting in 10 minutes."

Beelzebub rolled their head back in annoyance. "With who?" They asked, hoping it was going to be nobody.

"Er, Michael I think" she said.

"Archangel?" Beelzebub asked, hoping it would be someone else although they couldn't think who it could be.

"Yup." Beelzebub sighed, annoyed. Fuck fuck fuck why can't I just be left alone for a while? they thought. Dagon left.

~~
There was a knock at the door, and Beelzebub looked up as the Archangel Michael entered.

"What'zz thiz meeting about?" They asked, buzzing under their voice and internally cursed themselves for it. They hated the buzzing.

"Just things about the relationship between Heaven and Hell. Mostly what we're going to do about Crowley and Aziraphale."

Beelzebub stayed silent, staring expectantly, waiting for whatever was going to be the point of this. Why couldn't Gabriel have come down? Had he gone off them?

"With the whole aftermath of Armageddon, or rather the failed Armageddon, and the failure of their discorporations, Heaven was wondering whether we should just leave them be." Michael suggested wearily, waiting to be called ztupid.

"Whatever." Beelzebub said carelessly.

"We thought you would refuse." Michael stated.

"Do you want me to?" They asked, still wondering why Gabriel hadn't come down. They liked it when Gabriel came down. They didn't like the thought that maybe he didn't like them anymore. Maybe he thought that this meeting needed actual concentration instead of kissing the whole way through it. Yes. That sounded like something he would think of.

"No." Michael said shaking her head, "we just expected some convincing would be needed." Why was this important? Beelzebub had agreed now couldn't Michael just leave?

"Ok." They said, shortly. Michael raised their eyebrow before standing up to leave.

Where was Gabriel? Oh well, no harm in asking was there? "Why didn't Gabriel have this meeting? Normally he does these types of meeting." They asked, seemingly like they didn't care. Michael stopped where she was, in front of the door.

"He, er, one of your demons discorporated him with Hellfire." She said slowly and quietly. Beelzebub stood up suddenly and yelled loudly.

"What?!" They were going to kill that demon. How had they not known?! They should've done the paperwork properly. They hated themselves! Who the Heaven was this demon?! Why had they done that?!