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"Wow Chyna, listening to you talking I found myself looking for that broken girl who came into my office a few months ago...but I couldn't find her. You've made peace with your mistakes. And all you have left to go is forward. But one question...how are you truly feeling?"
Looking down at the journal sitting in my lap smiling, I looked back up at my therapist as she help her notebook in her hands reading my body language closely.
"Happy. I was ready to give up, ready to just let it all go. But I had someone depending on me. Someone who needed me. Braydon, only reasoning I needed. And I'm just happy I was given the opportunity to do better by him." Feeling a weight lifting off my shoulder as those words confidently left my mouth, I smiled wiping away the tear falling down my cheek. "And I want to thank you, for everything Monica."
"You did everything Chyna, all I did was listen. Yes you're a mother with responsibilities, but never abandon your feelings. What do I always say?"
Seeking therapy was probably the best decisions I've made in my life. It's allowed me for the first time to let go and let God. I will never forgive myself for some of the decisions I've made, but I'm at peace with it.
Of course I could have went about things differently, but my intentions have always been pure. Growing up basically raising myself, I've become used to handling things on my own. But we all need someone at some point.
"You can't love someone, if you don't love yourself first. And I see that now."
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Just like his father, Braydon's hair grows like weeds on crack. I've always heard mothers talking about how emotional their child's first hair cut, and I'm not gonna lie...I used to judge them confused as hell as to how a hair cut is emotional. But as soon as the barber put my baby in the chair, it hit me that my little baby wasn't a little boy anymore.
"You okay Braydon? Mommy's right here." I said nervously walking towards Braydon checking on him for the sixth time, as the barber paused turning off his clippers stale facing me. "Hell you looking at, this is my child Rob."
