Brute.

Thirty-Five

It's been days since the video shoot, and everything feels weird and wrong. I wish I would've been able to stop myself from saying it, because now it feels like all I've done is push Jimmy away.

Chris: You doing okay?

Me: No. I'm at work, I don't really have time to talk

Chris: I'm here for you if you need anything. Just let me know

Me: Thanks, but I don't think you can help me with what I need

Chris: I can try. Talk to me because I know you won't talk to Chandler about whatever is bothering you so much

Me: Okay, fine, but it has to wait. I have tables.

I put my phone back in my apron pocket and brought armfuls of plates and drinks to the undeserving patrons of the bar. I swear this bar gets sleazier by the day.

"Myra, you're cut," Russ informed me a few hours later.

Thank God. I hate this place. I have always been the person to stay late so everyone else can go home and I can make as much money as possible, but I am at my ends with this place. I can't deal with it anymore.

I left work with close to no money made, knowing this shift was a complete waste of my time and drove home to my apartment. I like my solitude and I like being alone, but coming home to an empty apartment doesn't always make me feel good. I'm incredibly grateful, and I wouldn't go back to my mom's house, but I wish there was some more life in my home when I get here.

After I changed, I sat down at the piano bench in my room and just stared at the keys. I wanted to play something. I wanted to have something to play that would make my thoughts and feelings makes sense, but I came up short. I had nothing.

Sighing, I grabbed my phone and dialed Chris' number. I waited a for a few rings before he picked up.

"Hey," Chris greeted, "what's up?"

"I don't know," I sighed, "I don't know what I did."

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

"Do you remember when I told you that I was scared of letting Jimmy down?"

"Yeah, how would you have let him down?" Chris asked.

"I feel like I let him down by getting in over my head. I'm scared that I pushed him away," I explained as a few tears fell down my cheeks.

"What happened?" Chris asked.

"After we finished filming the treadmill video, when Jimmy was taking me home I told him that I love him. I didn't mean to say it like that, and I was so exhausted that the words just fell out and now I can't take it back," I sighed.

"Myra, telling Jimmy that you love him would never let him down. Are you kidding? I have never seen Jimmy more invested than he is in you. I promise you did not push him away," Chris assured.

"He's barely spoken to me since," I cried, while doing my best to make sure Chris couldn't tell I was crying, "and it sucks because he is the only person I want to talk to every day."

"Myra, don't cry. Please don't cry. Jimmy can be an idiot, so can I and so can Chandler, it's one of the reasons why we're all such good friends," Chris laughed, "I'll talk to him and see what's going on. He shouldn't be shutting you out, even if he's just not ready to tell you he loves you. That isn't the way to be in a relationship. I'm sorry you're hurting."

"It's okay, I'm used to it," I cried, "I just wasn't expecting to hurt like this over Jimmy again."

"Again?" Chris asked.