To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 24✧

I couldn't hide it for much longer. The concern of my friends and the hesitancy of other around me at my apparent fragility, as well as Faith's closeness to me, gave it away within the second month. I wasn't even showing, I couldn't tell the difference physically between my body before pregnancy and after. I just felt... wrong.

The day I visited home my mother looked me up and down and then her face broke into a smile, coming forward to plant a kiss on either one of my cheeks.

"My darling, you are expecting?" She cried excitedly, placing both hands on my stomach. I could only nod, the words I needed not making their way to my tongue. She saw my look. "You are worried, Charity?" I nodded again. "My dear, it will be okay. God willing, you will bear your husband children. One loss is not the end of your journey. You may have had other siblings too, had God not given me this path."

It took me another moment to comprehend the meaning of her words. She had lost children, children who may have grown up to be my siblings. But it was all I could do to stay silent, because I knew any words I spoke would turn to tears, and those tears might turn to anger. She would never accept Faith's decision to leave her husband, nor would my father. I was worried about their reaction.

"Congratulations." Gabriel had said with a twinkle in his eye. Terah was days away from having her new baby, as was my mother. Ruth, Sarah and Abagail were maybe a month away from giving birth, possibly less. And now I was two months along with my own. "Our children will be great friends."

If only.

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I first heard news of Faith through rumors, and it scared me. She hadn't been able to talk to me and after days I was getting scared. Surely she would have come to me by now, asked about leaving, but I had seen nothing of her. She hadn't even been at meals.

Finally, before the sermon on Sunday morning, Gabriel came to me.

"Did you hear?" He began, arms already reaching out for me. "Faith tried to leave Jacob. She went to our father, telling him she couldn't stay. He sent her back to him. He came to me yesterday, ranting about the sanctity of marriage and how he couldn't believe his daughter wouldn't turn to the guidance of her husband."

"N-no." I stumbled, panic flooding me. He would hurt her- if he hadn't hurt her before, he would certainly hurt her now. "Is she okay? Where is she now?!"

"She is with Jacob. I have not heard from them since yesterday, but I am not worried. They will be spending some time in prayer. They have a child on the way to think about- they will not be raised under the guidance of the lord if Faith is wavering in her belief."

He talked about it so casually, like he really believed it. I didn't. I knew she wouldn't be in prayer- well, she might, but he certainly wouldn't be. He would be angry. Raging mad. I worried for her safety and the safety of her child, Amity, she had said, if her child was a girl. If she believed she was carrying a girl, then I would too.

"Do you not see it?" I said quietly to my brother. "Jacob is not a kind man. Faith is scared, Gabriel, she is not leaving him out of godlessness. She is leaving him out of fear, for herself and her child."

"She is his wife, Charity." Gabriel said suddenly, brows furrowing. "If he is straying down the wrong path, then it is her job to guide him. He is going to be a father- it is her turn to stand up. Stay with her husband and follow the guidance of the lord."

"It is not her job to guide him." I said coldly. "If she wants to leave, she should leave."

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I knew it would come back to haunt me, those words. The look on Gabriel's face was enough for me to know he would never trust me again. He had changed since he been married and become a father, just as that line he had said to me once- when we're young, I think the rule is made to be broken. But now I was married. I was going to be a mother, and he saw me in a different light. I couldn't be seen breaking the rule so blatantly.

I knew it was my fault when he refused to tell me what was going on. As a male in the family he was privileged to information I would never be, and Jerome was at work. If he had been told, he wasn't back in time to relay it to me.

I wasn't there when she died. I didn't even know she had gone into early labour, the stress of having gone to my parents and told them she was leaving Jacob. They forced her to go back to him, and it only made it worse. She wasn't even five months along.

Had Jacob taken her to the hospital, got her medical attention, she might have made it. Her little girl might have survived too, although that was less likely. But instead she delivered a baby who only survived a few minutes and she followed not long after, bleeding out completely alone. Jacob hadn't even stayed with her. No, he had gone to our parents to tell them she was in labour, who then informed Gabriel. I was never told.

I wasn't told of my sisters death until the next morning, when it was announced to the community over breakfast. We were told of the deaths of Faith and her daughter Elora. At first I couldn't believe his audacity- his wife and child had just died and he had to go against her wish to name her daughter Amity. Not only that, but he was sitting with his friends, not dressed for mourning, smiling.

Faith was gone. Amity was gone. The only things I remained for were gone. But instead of determination, of finality, I felt empty. I was numb and alone and scared. I didn't even notice Jerome leading me from the room, taking me back to our room.

Faith was gone. Dead.

None of this was real.