To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 27✧

It was a push as I was so drained I struggled to even stand, but when I woke up I forced myself up from the bed. I took a shower, I struggled out of the nightgown I had been in for... too long, and dressed myself in the clothes laying on the chair. It was a long skirt, still modest but patterned, and a large sweater with a hood. If I was seen wearing this back there, I would have been cast out at once. I found I was too tired to care.

I brushed through my hair and rebraided it and, reluctantly, took a glance in myself at the mirror. I froze. Looking back at me was my sister, yet she wasn't the same anymore. She had freckles, I did not. Her hair was more blonde than auburn, but we looked so similar that it could be her looking back at me. But it wasn't. Faith was gone and I stood here, out in the world.

Jerome wasn't there when I went downstairs. Someone later told me he had gone out with Rob, trying to find a job anywhere that would accept him. With no job history, no references other than ex-community members, it would be difficult.

Vikk and Lachlan were there however. Lachlan gave me a flicker of a smile, pushing a bowl of cereal across to me when I sat at the table. I managed to eat some, keeping it down with the reminder of my child.

I also got a proper look at Vikk for the first time. He was short, even shorter than me, dark hair and caramel eyes that looked at me with a mixture of sorrow and curiosity. He was the first worldly person I supposed I had ever met, although someone had mentioned a long time ago that his family had once been in the same position as myself. He had to have been much younger then, though.

"I didn't realise there were so many of you in the same position as Lachy." He eventually said, a little smile flickering onto his face. Then he frowned. "Cults... well, religious ones specifically, just shouldn't exist."

I managed to think it over for a moment. "There's lots, isn't there." I said quietly. "Like that."

"Yeah, there's quite a few out there." Vikk agreed. "It's totally wrong, but some people just want control over others."

I had to take a few minutes to think over that. He said it so casually that it blew my mind because to even have thoughts like was a sin, let alone saying it out loud. But if he was saying it like that, telling me there were other out there who weren't following the God I had been yet believed they were the only ones to be sin free- surely not all of us could be right? Statistically, I- we- were wrong.

Was there anyone who was right?

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"I think the best thing to do is to start with change." Lachlan had said as he sat me in front of the mirror, smiling. "It was the first thing I did, and it felt great."

I had agreed to this, slightly reluctantly, but it felt like a step in the right direction. Jerome sat on my other side with his hand resting on top of mine, squeezing it comfortingly whenever I jolted or shifted. I was scared and apprehensive, but I couldn't keep looking in the mirror and seeing my sister.

My hair was the first thing to go.

Lachlan was no hairdresser but he did his best, shaving the sides close to my head and leaving it longer on the top. It was a style similar to his own and I found as more and more hair was cut and dropped onto the floor, the weight on my shoulders was lessened. It was like my hair, which weighed next to nothing, carried pounds and pounds.

"There we go..." Lachlan said, pausing. "Mitch."

Looking in the mirror, I could see a Mitch. It was no longer my sister staring at me, nor was it one of my brothers. It was someone. Someone who was their own person, who made their own decisions- who wasn't crushed by the weight of expectations and fear.

"There's the Mitch I know." Jerome said quietly, curling his fingers through my hair just as he had done when it was long. "You look more like you now."

I blinked at myself in the mirror, my husband standing just over my shoulder. It still didn't seem real to call him that. Yeah, I could see what he meant. The name seemed to fit this person staring at me, I couldn't see Charity anymore. Well, I could see it in the shape of their face and their eyes and their dress, but it wasn't Charity.

When my child was born, Charity would not be there. Their parent would be Mitch.

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The first scan was one of the most nerve-wracking feelings of my life- even worse than when I was waiting to find out who I would be betrothed to, even worse than the day of my wedding. Jerome did most of the paperwork for me, explaining my situation to the receptionist who was very kind and understanding.

From what I remembered, which honestly wasn't much as the last few months were a blur, I was about... 14 weeks? I might have been closer to 16 which made me at least 3 and a half months along. God, that meant there were only 5 months to go.

"You ready Mitch?" Jerome asked me, hand once again in mine.

"Yeah." I breathed. "I think so."

The nurse was kind but brief and short, explaining everything simply like I had been surrounded by this much medical equipment before. It was overwhelming and loud and I almost ended up panicking, and I would have if Jerome hadn't hugged me tightly until my breathing calmed.

"It's gonna be okay." He murmured, helping me onto the table. "It's gonna be fine."

The baby's heartbeat echoed through the room. Thump, thump, thump. It was reassuring, calming.

"That's your baby, very healthy looking. From the size..." She paused. "I'd saying you're about 15 weeks along, nearly four months. Would you like to know the gender?"

I looked up at Jerome, and he looked back down at me. It would be my decision alone, I supposed, if I wanted to know.

"Yeah." I said, straining to keep my voice even. "I want to know."

There was another long pause, while my eyes stayed fixed on the screen above my head.

"It is a little early, but I think I can tell..." She smiled. "Congratulations, you're having a little girl!"

The moment I heard that, I knew what I would be naming her. There was no hesitation, no second thoughts, because I knew how much her name would mean to me.

She would be Faith Amity. Faith Amity Aceti.