To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 26✧

It seemed surreal to be sitting there in the back of the car, Jerome on one side and Lachlan on the other, Rob driving in the front seat. Behind us, the lights of our community faded and I knew in my heart of hearts that I would never see them again- I would never visit my family home, never eat in that cafeteria, see my friends. It hurt me, knowing that, but it was for the best.

Wrapping one arm around my stomach I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. I was a worldly girl now- or guy, I supposed, there was still all of that to figure out. But right then, the weight on my shoulder was about something different.

Faith and her baby girl were gone, and I was carrying a child of my own. This wasn't how I thought this was going to go.

--------------------------------------------------

I was tucked into a warm bed in a quiet room, after being guided through a large but clearly worldly house. Lachlan had mentioned it belonged to his boyfriend, Vikk's, parents, but they were all asleep and I would be able to see them in the morning. If I was up that is, because I was so exhausted I felt I could sleep for days.

When we had stopped outside the house and I had to get out of the car, I felt as if I wasn't properly in my body. I remembered the kindness of Lachlan as he helped me to the room Jerome and I would be staying in. The house was eerily silent, a single light blinking in the hall.

Time passed. I slept through most of the next day, only waking when Jerome helped me to the kitchen around lunch time, trying to get me to eat something. I poked at the sandwich on my plate but didn't eat a mouthful.

There were others around the house now, other than Rob and Lachlan. I remembered someone telling me that Rob, Preston, Grace and the kids were living in another house, closer to their jobs, but Grace popped in at some point during the day, young son in arms. I only glanced at them, seemingly not even comprehending they were there. Elizabeth, Jerome's younger sister, had been around once as well. She had already cut her hair and was wearing jeans, seemingly fitting right into this new world.

I went back to my bed in the bedroom, which looked much prettier in the small amount of daylight filtering through the curtains. Sleeping in the daytime was a sinful luxury, but I didn't have the energy to feel guilty about it. My eyes wouldn't stay open long enough to let me study the patterns of the wallpaper or the photographs plastering one wall. Photographs and patterns. So worldly.

I just felt completely numb. It probably should have hit me by now, but it just hadn't. I felt far removed from reality.

"Come on Mitch, you gotta have something to eat." Jerome said gently, one hand across my back. I allowed him to guide me but only stared at the food on my plate in front of me.

It was at this point I met Vikk, who was sitting down for a meal too. I think he was talking to me, voice quiet and gentle, but his words never actually processed. I only filtered back to reality when something specific was mentioned-

"We need to get him a therapist." Rob said quietly, standing just over my shoulder. "And probably a doctor too, see how the baby's doing. Maybe Lachlan's therapist? She's been good with the whole religious cult shit and being trans, so hopefully she's good with loss of family, like literal death? I don't know, but we should try, and soon."

Both Lachlan and Vikk nodded, each glancing in my direction. I blinked, still filtering Rob's words. A doctor might be a good idea, to check on the baby, but I was unsure about the therapist. What did they even do? Would they be able to help? Maybe they could explain the world to me, and what it meant to live in a world like this, where I would have to make my own decisions. I had to make more than my own decisions now too, I would have to raise my baby. I believed I was beginning my third month, between 9 to 10 weeks.

The next couple of days blurred together. People came in and out of my room, each attempting to talk to me, but their voices were slurred and words unfamiliar. Jerome came the most often, attempting to talk to me or convince me to shower or eat, and Lachlan, Rob and Preston filtered in and out. Grace was with her children and didn't have the time to see me alone, while Vikk and his parents gave me space. Apparently they figured it wasn't the best idea to introduce new people to me, especially in the middle of such a difficult time.

"I think a therapist would be a good idea." Jerome said one evening, having been sitting behind me, brushing and plaiting my hair for the better part of an hour. "Definitely a doctor's visit, there's no arguing that. I've been talking to Lachy, he said she really helped him and I think she could help you too. We've got six, maybe seven months to get our shit together before the little one arrives and you're crazy if you think I'm not going to be your side the whole time."

I managed to crack a smile, almost bursting into tears as I did so, for the first time since Faith's death.

"I know." I breathed. "You said you would be. I just... I thought I'd have someone else here too."

"I wish she was here too." He murmured, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "But we can't change the past. I know it's only been a week, but you need to start moving forward. Not moving on, but getting better. Prepare for the little one."

I nodded slowly. It wasn't much of a plan, but it was something I could cling to. I needed that right now- an idea, a goal to work towards. If I could do it for anything, I could do it for my baby.