Accident Prone |h.s|

Chapter 14: Breaking

It's been one week.

One week since I felt a part of me was taken. Stolen from me completely. I'm not sure what part of me exactly is gone; my security, my faith in people, my spontaneity, my trust.

I hate that it changed my whole mentality. Like my outlook on life is just dim with no extra light shining through.

I haven't really slept, either. I mean, I fall asleep exhausted from my day. But I wake every half hour fully shaking with my heart racing. I usually get about three hours of sleep total every night. All scattered. Never continuous.

I'm just so exhausted. I want to sleep so badly. But every single time I succumb to my unconscious, I feel rough hands on me or nails scraping along my skin.

Oh, and I can't sleep in the dark anymore. I used to need total blackness. I was someone who wore a sleep mask and had fully darkened blinds. Now I need a light on or I see him standing in my room.

It's so strange because my brain understands it's illogical to have these thoughts. I know he's not there. But the other half of my mind sees his face every time I close my eyes.

It's like I'm slowly breaking away; piece by piece.

After the incident, I tried to make myself seem normal. I came downstairs the next day fully showered and ready to tackle the morning. I went about my day like I usually would with mundane tasks and light banter. I tried to laugh with Harry when he would make a corny joke but I'm not sure the laughter every really reached my eyes. 

Harry of course is being amazing. He's comforting and sweet; gentle and kind. Although he's been busy with interviews and he's constantly writing music, he makes sure to check in on me every few hours.

But my mental state isn't the only thing shutting down. Everything here in California has closed for the time being. We've officially been told to stay indoors and limit contact with those outside. It's really only inconvenient when I need to get some space from the house. I'm really hoping it only lasts a couple weeks.

I don't think being in the same two rooms is helping with everything. But another part of me is grateful that I won't be going to bars anytime soon.

I've been awake since the early hours of the morning. The walls of my room suddenly felt too close so I retreated to the large sofa in the living room. This is where Harry found me at 7am as I looked out into the sunrise. He gave me a small smile before heading out the front door for his daily run.

It's about midday now and I'm still sat on the couch watching a random home makeover show but not paying much attention to the words they say. I just enjoy the utter transformation of the houses they show.

Harry is baking something in the kitchen that smells absolutely delicious. He knows the way to my heart is baked goods.

I'm staring off into space so I don't hear him quietly come up behind me.

"What're they tryna'... oh sorry Bean. Didn't mean to scare ya'" His sudden voice right behind me makes me jump in my seat.

I just smile in response as I tilt my head back to look up at him.

"Looks like someone is growing a quarantine beard." I say reaching up to pet his scruff. It's coming in a little patchy but it's definitely more of a beard than I've ever seen him have.

"Yeah maybe after 26 years I'll finally be able to." He says sarcastically, trying to make me laugh by stroking his chin like a villain.

"Who knows, if I can't get to my waxing lady soon, I might grow one too." I say dryly which makes him loudly cackle throwing his head back.