Accident Prone |h.s|

Chapter 17: Blow

I feel like I'm dying. Or at least like I'm gonna puke.

The sudden feeling of my head wanting to explode and also like I might throw up hits me before my eyes even open. I squeeze them tightly and hold my breath to try and cope with this horrific hangover.

God, what did we even drink last night? Tequila and gin?

To be honest, the whole night is hazy. It's all a strange mixture of singing and laughing and shots. That's what happens when you're dumb and mix liquors.

My body is aching as I lay curled on my side and I can't bear to open my eyes yet. But there's something stuck to the side of my face and it's annoying the crap out of me. I reach up to grab the annoyance and squint my eyes to inspect it.

I'm holding a gold condom wrapper in my hand.

Oh, no.

I reach down my body and sure enough I'm butt ass naked. And I'm definitely in Harry's sheets. I instinctively pull them up so I'm completely covered.

Holy shit. This cannot be happening.

I guess I sort of remember coming upstairs together. But that was innocent and normal. We slept in the bed together the night before so it wasn't weird for me to sleep here.

But how did it start, then? How do you randomly start hooking up with your best friend?

Was it him or was it me? Or could it have been both of us.

I start to remember little things; his weight on me, wrapping my legs around him, his lips on mine. And I remember really enjoying myself but literally everything else is a blur.

Damn drunk brain.

As my brain is trying to piece together all the events, I look around to see if there's any clues near me. I'm on the opposite side of the bed; as far from Harry as I can be. So we had sex and then I retreated as far away from him as possible? Sounds like something I would do.

There are random condoms strewn about the comforter and a few on the floor. At least we were safe, I guess?

I can hear Harry's steady breath next to me. Thankfully he hasn't woken up yet. I have no idea how I'm going to deal with this and I can feel the awkward conversation coming.

Maybe I can slip out and escape to my room?

I slowly shift to sit up making sure to keep my eyes on Harry so he doesn't wake up; my head and stomach fully protesting the motion as they both painfully remind me of my hangover. But the movement on the bed has the opposite effect as he groans and rolls to face me. I squeeze my eyes shut as I wait to hear his words; only peering through my lashes.

"Ugh, why would I ever think tequila and gin would be a good combination." He says as he keeps his eyes closed and curls into a ball on his side facing me, his face grimacing at his hangover.

I just remain silent. I honesty don't think he remembers what we did last night. He would have definitely woken up differently if he did.

When I don't respond, his eyes squint open looking for me. His gaze is met by me guiltily biting my lip and my bare back exposed as I sit up holding the sheet to my chest.

Realization hits his face like a freight train.

"Wait." He says as he looks under his sheet checking to see if he's dressed. "Wait no. We didn't.... Oh no we did. We definitely did."

My head falls into my hands as I lean forward. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe I slept with my best friend. I can't believe neither of us remember it.

"Yeah. We did." My response slightly muffled by my hands as my head hangs in embarrassment.

I honestly don't know how to feel about this. I wish I could remember how or why it happened and what led to it. But I'm also grateful that it was Harry and not a random person. After everything that happened to me, this doesn't feel like I was taken advantage of. It feels like a mistake that two friends made.

I feel the bed shift as Harry scoots his body closer to me. His hand grasps my shoulder and moves it slightly so I turn to look at him. I'm sure the embarrassment is written all over my face.

"Hey, it's okay. It's fine. I'm okay, are you okay?" He looks into my eyes as he squeezes my shoulder reassuringly.

"Yeah, I'm alright. I just wish I could remember what happened. Like I have little snippets but not the whole picture. How about you?" I say turning to face him fully; making sure to keep the sheet attached to my chest.

"It's the same for me. But I think I started it? This is my fault." His eyes drop guiltily at that statement. "I'm so sorry, B."

"No, I don't think I was much better. In fact, I distinctly remember you asking permission which I readily gave. So we share the blame for this. Don't feel bad." I squeeze his hand to ease his guilt.

"It was just an accident. We don't have to make it a thing. We'll just pretend it didn't happen. I love you and I don't want this to ruin our friendship."

Something about that statement sticks in my gut. It makes my lungs ache and my stomach turn. I instinctively recognize the feeling as the rejection flows through me. It's not that I wanted him to want me. I just didn't want him to so quickly not want me.

All I do is smile back at him but it doesn't reach my eyes.

"At least it's looks like we were safe." I say gesturing towards the random condoms placed throughout the room.

"You know me. My motto is safe sex is the best sex." He says laughing to diffuse the tension. "So we're good right? We're gonna just keep going on like this didn't happen?"

"Yeah, that sounds good to me." I say giving him an awkward high five. "But if you could like look away or something so I can leave and go shower."

At my words, both of his hands cover his eyes.

"No peeking, sir" I say as I gather my clothing around the room and use it to cover my naked body. This statement causes Harry use the sheet to cover his head completely which makes us to both laugh.

I'm glad I could make an easy escape. Once in my own room and my own bathroom, I stare at my reflection in the mirror to try and collect my emotions.

I'm not necessarily upset about the sex. I mean it's not ideal to have sex with someone and not remember it. But I know that Harry is someone who would respect me no matter what. And I obviously felt safe enough to do it. 

But there's something else gnawing away at my brain as I think about everything that happened.

I go to stand under the hot stream and try to sort out my scattered thoughts.

I know that, initially, I was upset about sleeping with him. For some reason, Harry feeling the same way is getting to me. That has to be where this gut-retching rejection comes from. His want to forget the whole thing; not even acknowledge that it happened.

I think some part of me wanted him to be happy or at least not regret that we were together.

I've been feeling so different about our friendship since we've been quarantined together. I began to feel like he was someone I needed in my everyday life; whatever that meant in my messed up brain. I think I began to hope he was feeling that change too.

I guess he didn't.

Last night he probably was just bored or really drunk or didn't even really want it to happen. I could have been anyone to him.

I stand there leaning against the shower wall rethinking all of the events that just happened until the water runs cold.

I feel like there has been a blow to my gut. Like I can't recover from this feeling.

But as I look in the mirror, I practice the smile that I'll put on once I see him.

The girl smiling back doesn't look as rejected as I feel.

A/N
These poor kids man. They can't catch a break. Do you think this will hurt their friendship or do you think it'll all be forgotten like Harry wants?