ʜɪꜱ ꜱᴀᴠɪᴏʀ ━ Bucky Barnes/Avengers

17: to make you stay

How could I have thought I'd be able to make him stay?

Even though I found him again at a market and followed him to his apartment, why did I think I could easily make him remember? He has no clue who he is. So he left, again.

I would've followed him, but I thought he'd come back. As hours passed and I feel myself falling asleep at his door, I considered that he wouldn't come back unless I was still here. But it all changed when I find myself waking up on an unfamiliar mattress that was placed on the floor. I sit up abruptly in confusion until I look at my surroundings and see that I wasn't inside my hotel room, but his apartment.

He must've carried me inside.

I stand up and search around the room for him, but he was nowhere to be found. I made my way back to the kitchen and notice a glass of water and some food placed on top of the table. And for all of the reasons, it made me smile.

Even though his memories have been wiped, he was still caring as always. Nothing could change that.

At the edge of the table was the letter I brought with me. This is what encouraged me to find him. How silly it is of me to think he never wrote to me back then. He did, he just never sent them. He must've read it. And there's a possibility that he remembers.

Suddenly, the front door opens and I jump in surprise. Bucky walks in the room, holding bags of groceries in his hands. When he closes the door and turns around, he pauses when he spots me looking at him.

The atmosphere became awkward and silent, and it stayed like that for a while until I manage to say something. "Uhm..." I start, "...good morning?"

I wait for his reply, but he walks right past me and places the bags on top of the counter. "You should eat." He says, catching me by surprise.

Before he walks away, I interrupt his steps, "Join me." I fumble with my fingers in nervousness, hoping he would. As he stood still, and the more he did, I grew even more nervous until he releases a sigh and walks over to take a seat across from me.

Relief takes over me as I sat down too, but having difficulty with what to do or say next. Now that I've finally found him, without worrying about the Winter Soldier, I'm happy. But what takes that away is that he's still trapped in there, lost. And now I have to help him find himself.

"So..." I start, trying to have a decent conversation, "I'm guessing you still don't remember me?"

He doesn't sign a yes or a no, "Your name... is Diane."

My brows rise and I lean forward on the table a little, "You remember my name?" I ask him in excitement, making him lean backward uncomfortably. I calm down, acknowledging that I need to go at his pace and not push him around. I clear my throat as I lean back on the chair, repeating my question more contained. "You remember my name?"

"No. I read... I read your letter." he quickly corrects, disappointing me.

"Oh, right," I say, assuming nothing happened when he read the letter. "Well, what do you remember?"

He pauses to think before looking into my eyes with his, full of misery, "Hydra and... everyone I killed." He then focuses on the ground, feeling ashamed.

His emotions came out, showing the pain he's hiding by being silent. I give him time to do so, as I could never imagine the pain he had gone through these past years. Many years of pain. It broke my heart.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," I told him as safe as I could say. I wanted to hold him, bring him into my arms, seeing that's what he needed the most right now. But I refrain myself, knowing it could also hurt him. I move on, "Do you remember why you pulled me from the river?" When he recovers himself he suddenly stands up, ignoring my question as he heads for the door without a word. "Where are you going?" my voice shakes, scared that I might lose him again.