Why?

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(Warning: Child Abuse, And Homophobic Slurs)

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John stepped through the door of his house, already prepared for the explosion of questions in his face, along with the strong smell of alcohol. He honestly didn't care anymore.

"John. Where the hell were you?!" His father, Henry, shouted, the familiar slurring of words reaching John's head.

"I was at the carnival and the ferris wheel for stuck." John said as he stepped in the living room, to see his father laying across the couch, drinking wine straight from the bottle.

"Oh really? Was anyone in the carriage with you? If so, what was their gender?" Henry pretty much spat the last sentence, glaring at his son, who stayed still.

"There was. And it was a guy, sir." John said, looking through his father who stood up, approaching him. Henry clicked his tongue, smirking.

"John, I thought I told you no guys? We're supposed to be fixing you, not breaking." He chuckled, undoing his belt as he pulled it off, wrapping it around his hand once, like a dog's leash. "What was this boy's name?"

John looked down. "Alexander Hamilton."

He flinched as his father yanked his chin up, holding back a whimper of pain. Henry glared down at John, scoffing.

"Idiot!" He slapped him, leaving a nice, red, slap mark on his face. Henry threw John down, John shaking, trying not to scream, or make any noise.

"Can you not listen to fucking orders, faggot?!" Henry shouted, kicking his son in the stomach. "You're pathetic! Almost more than your fucking mother was! At least she wasn't a faggot! A stupid, gay ass, non listening faggot!" He yelled , slapping John with the belt.

John screamed when the belt made contact with his side, curling around his waist, leaving a burning sensation in it's wake.

It only got worse, Henry repeatedly striking John with the belt, John screaming each time. Henry yelled slurs, though only striking where the bruises couldn't be seen.

John woke up the next morning, not having gotten much sleep, and pulled a hoodie over his arms, covering the bruises. John had brushed his hair out, putting concealer over his eyebags.

He grabbed his bag, going to school. He greeted everyone he passed with a warm smile, even the people John was strangers to.

John walked into his school, seeing Alexander by his locker, waiting. He seemed anxious, which both worried and made John panic.

Does he know? Oh god, if he knows, dad's going to fucking kill me! He thought, walking up to Alexander. The smaller male looked up, giving John a small smile.

"Morning John! How are you on this fine, fine day?" Alexander asked, the binders in his arms softly pressing against his chest.

"I'm great actually! Just kind of relieved after the whole ferris wheel thing, you know?" John replied , Alexander nodding. "Anyways, why are you worried Lexi?"

"Remember how Washington is adopting me? Well tonight is my last night at the center."

John softly gasped and set his things in his locker, then tightly hugged Alexander. "That's ga- I mean great!"

Alexander chuckled a bit at John's reaction. "I guess so. I still can't help but feel nervous."

" That's reasonable. Everyone you've ever cared about or has taken care of you, left your life. "

"Not everyone I care about has disappeared." Alexander muttered, too quickly and quiet for John to be able to process what he'd said.

"Huh?"

"Nothing." Alexander said before looking at the clock across the hall. "I'm heading to class early. I'll talk to you later, alright?"

John nodded, watching him as he walked away. He couldn't help but feel as if he had done something wrong. Did he? Was it something he said? Or was it just overanalyzing the situation? Probably that.

Theater arrived. School had gone by quicker than usual, so John was in a good mood, despite all his bruises and barely sleeping. He had to occasionally reapply his concealer at times, but that was the only issue, really.

John was approached by Lafayette. He looked at him, smiling. Lafayette wasn't looking very happy however. He looked serious when he looked at John.

"Monsieur John, I'm going to tell tu quelque (you something), okay?" Lafayette stated, John not entirely understanding what he had said, but got the gist of it. He nodded.

"Vous (You) can tell moi (me) about anything that happens, d'accord? (okay?)"

" Why did you say that, Laf? " John asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lafayette shook his head. "You may not know." He said , walking away.

Wait.. Does he know? Well maybe he just thinks Henry's doing something, and that's it. John thought, not seeing Alexander approaching him. Yeah, that's it.

Alexander tapped his shoulder, making him jump. "John, are you okay? You haven't really spoke to anyone all day, you always look deep in thought about something, and every time I see you writing, it's like you're running out of time. Not that I don't write like that." Alexander said, John mustering a smile on his face.

"Yeah. I'm fine." He said, Alexander's eyebrows coming together in both worry and confusion.

"Okay... Just remember, I'm here, okay?"

John nodded,watching as the tiny man walked off.

Why? Why can't I gather the words?

Alexander, I'm sorry.

You might lose someone again, because they were too stupid to say something.

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